Mind Your Heart
Welcome to "Mind Your Heart," this cozy corner of the internet where Trina Deboree and Emily Reneé —your real-life Lorelei and Rory Gilmore duo—come together each week to chat about everything from mental health to the daily nuances of life. In each episode, we peel back the layers of topics like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders with warmth, understanding, and a touch of humor (because otherwise, this just sounds depressing)!
Trina, an educator turned entrepreneur and mental health advocate, joins forces with her daughter Emily, a mental health coach and anorexia survivor, to share their journeys and insights in a way that feels like a heart-to-heart with old friends. The goal? To spark conversations that truly matter and to create a space where laughter meets healing.
Let's navigate the ups and downs of mental health together, making each day brighter and each challenge a little lighter. Grab your emotional support water bottle, put in your headphones, and join us while we mind our hearts for chats that comfort and inspire.
Mind Your Heart
Money Worries and Women's Health: Real Stories and Solutions
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Have you ever felt the weight of financial stress affecting your mental health? We can relate. This episode of Mind Your Heart Podcast takes a deep dive into the hidden impacts of money worries. We share personal anecdotes and discuss how early financial education can pave the way for a less stressful future. Emily reveals how a conversation with her friend Mariah, a mindset money coach, transformed her views on money, highlighting the profound benefits of addressing financial fears head-on. Get ready to rethink your relationship with money and learn practical tips to manage everyday expenses better.
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Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your favorite corner of the internet where we chat about all things mental health. I'm Emily.
Speaker 2:And I'm Trina. Together, we're like your real-life Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. Each week, we'll bring you real conversations about the world of mental health and we will peel back layers on topics like anxiety, depression and much more.
Speaker 1:We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff, the everyday stuff and everything in between. So grab your emotional support water bottle I know we have ours. Find your comfiest chair or keep your eyes on the road and let's get into it. Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Join us as we mind our hearts and hopefully make minding yours a little easier. Welcome back.
Speaker 1:Thanks, Welcome to Mind your Heart Monday.
Speaker 2:or if you're listening to this any day of the week is fine. Yeah, that's cool. Yep, I'm Emily and I'm Trina and we are the hosts of Mind your Heart. Yeah, a mom and daughter duo. Yeah, all right. Today we're talking about 10 things that nobody ever talks about.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I swear. I feel like this list has grown. Like I started off with thinking about three, and then I wrote five, and then you wrote I think it was seven, and then it was ten.
Speaker 1:Well, so what I went off of was you had six, you had a list of six.
Speaker 2:Oh, I did yeah.
Speaker 1:And I was like I think there's more than this. Honestly, there's probably more than just this 10, but like. I yeah, and I also had Jake help me. Oh good, so he came up with one, yeah.
Speaker 2:All right. So, um, we'll just jump right in. Just jump right in, yeah, Okay. So money, money, money, stress yeah, I mean, I guess it really depends on kind of how you grow up, because I think that some people realize or recognize that there's money stress.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I don't think people talk about it.
Speaker 2:No, they definitely. Well, I mean, I know that when, when we had money stress when I was a kid, yeah, we didn't talk about it, but we knew, everybody knew it. There was like whispered conversations with adults, but they didn't include you or talk about it.
Speaker 1:One thing I think is so cool that I've seen is like parents now like have like their kids, like make like their budget with them. Yeah, now like have like their kids, like make like their budget with them. Yeah, and they like will like take them. They're like, okay, well, like you have to pick out your thing, like your necessities, at the grocery store and then, um, they get that from like their budget. So they're learning how to like actually grocery shop and stuff. Yeah, like when they're that age and then like whatever they have left over, then like it's their money to spend on whatever like. Obviously, like the parents are like still technically paying for it but like and they're paying their bills and all that stuff.
Speaker 1:But like the kids like have an idea of it and I'm like that's so smart.
Speaker 2:I think that's smart too. My friend, amy um shout out amy lemons. She is so smart, like, and she does the that she was what she gave the kids like a budget for their back-to-school items. So she's like I think it was $75. I think it was $75 as a budget. And so the kids are there with their calculators at Target. I don't know if they went to Target, I forgot where they went. Anyway, it doesn't matter, get more bang for your buck at the Dollar Tree. Yeah, they definitely didn't go to the Dollar Tree, but it might have been Walmart, but anyway, wherever they went.
Speaker 2:And then they were, like, you know, trying to. It sounded like they were kind of competing too. I mean, the kids are a little bit older, yeah, and she's like they didn't mean it to be that way, but that you know, and so. But it worked really well. The kids were like really aware of what they spent and how much they should have spent, and I was like I thought that was so smart. And she said I said I wish I had done that with my kids, especially Jackson, and she said, oh, if it makes you feel any better, my dad did this for me and it didn't work.
Speaker 1:I thought that was funny.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think that's cool. I feel like the way that we think. I also have learned that the way that we think about money really has to do with our mindset. Um, yeah, which is not something I think I ever really considered um before. Yeah, but um, one of my really good friends, mariah, who's actually like a mindset money coach. She has taught me so much. She has a podcast too, so if you want, to hear more in depth about that.
Speaker 1:Check her podcast out. Um, I'll link it in the description. But she, when I was like really struggling this year, I was like I talked to her and I was like I just feel like I'm so frustrated, I'm really scared, like this is really heavy, and um, she like walked me through it and I have never felt better about money and I'm not really making like just a shit ton more than I was when we had talked. I mean, I am like I figured some things out, but like yeah, it was just like a really big. I was like, man, I really wish this was something that they would talk about more in school.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Like I wish that this was a topic that people would be more educated on and just like talk about, like how, right now, like it's hard to buy groceries. Like jake and I are like struggling to buy groceries, like it's so expensive, like stuff costs like it. I think it costs us like 200 a week for two people.
Speaker 2:That's crazy to me like that's so wild, sound crazy to me. So, um, that's so wild. Yeah, that doesn't even sound crazy to me.
Speaker 1:So but like yeah, and just like thinking back to even when I was younger. I'm like when I first started driving, gas was like $1.19. Now it's almost $4.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it really. It's crazy. I do think like there's a difference between financial literacy, yeah, and there is money mindset. I think money mindset is really a lot of that comes also from families and their different approach to money, Because I think there can be like a lack and scarcity mentality and then there can also be an abundant mentality and then there's like somewhere in between. So I'm sure there's something that I didn't even say in between. So I'm sure there's something that I didn't even say, but I think that I kind of feel like that has to do with your experience and also your values around how you want to spend money.
Speaker 2:Because the books that have really helped me with mindset in particular, one of them is I'm just going to say the title, but it's got a bad word in it Rich, as I'm not going to say it.
Speaker 2:I'm just going to say the title, but it's got a bad word in it Rich, as I'm not going to say it Rich as F-U-C-K. And that is a really helpful book, like it really helped me look at things in a different way. It also helped me see some of the biases that I have because of experiences in life and I thought that was really interesting. And then I also read another one, and I don't remember the title, but it was also very helpful and a lot about abundance and like manifesting and things like that. But then the book that I'm reading right now in a book club with Teresa and some other people is it doesn't feel like it's necessarily mindset. It feels like it's kind of giving you some practical Like logistics, yeah, guidelines on like how to deal with debt, how to deal with credit, how to like stuff like that, yeah, and I think that's interesting. But I am like I see that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I really want to focus on like opening and allowing more to come, and being and having like an abundant mentality where I'm not scared to like let something go of course that she's launching right now really you should check it out, because I joined her membership and that's when everything was like really shifted for me.
Speaker 1:She, because she does both like connected yeah like she's like there, you need them both yeah, you need to understand like your mindset around it, to be able to like properly do your logistical.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Part of. I mean like money is money is numbers. Yeah, so like there's still the mathematical part of it.
Speaker 2:But I was happy to see that a lot of things that she said I was doing, so I'm like, ok, well, this feels good, like I feel like I have these high interest debt is paid off, and I'm like so that feels you know, but there's other I don't know. So I just think that's interesting. So definitely have to check that out, but I don't think people talk about.
Speaker 1:I don't know how open people are about making money sometimes.
Speaker 2:I mean like even especially women, or like wanting money. Yeah, yes, it's like a bad thing to want money, like you're and I, which I don't agree with at all. I think also you don't have to justify your reason.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can just want a nice car, yeah. Or you can just want like lots of money to shop Like yeah, no, there doesn't need to be a reason.
Speaker 2:You don't have to be a reason. I think that, um, I think when it aligns to like you as a person and your values and your things like that. I think, that's more beneficial, um, but I don't need someone to tell me why they want to make money.
Speaker 2:Um, I know, for me it's it's about, like I, the thing that I value is generosity and love and connection, and so I don't think that I'm going to give money and get make a connection. I don't mean that. I mean that I want to be able to help you, jake Jackson, like I want to be able to give. In that sense, I also want to be able to give to things that I think are important, even as far as, like I just donated to two political campaigns I've never done that in my life and I donate to church. I want to be able to give without feeling like I have to worry about it. But I also was thinking about this the other day as far as like, there's two different types of generosity. You have the generosity where you give, and it's a sacrifice to give.
Speaker 2:Um, I remember this one time I had this music teacher that was, I was teaching at this um title one school and this music teacher came from puerto rico and he was new to um. I mean, I guess that's part of the united states, but he wasn't then yeah.
Speaker 2:And so he came and then he um, I mean he was really struggling and then on a teacher salary, it just he was just really struggling and I was struggling Like I was. You know, I have single mom. I had two kids. I barely had any child support and I but the. But I, joe, the dad had just given me $125 in cash. My dad had just given me $125 in cash and I had it in my purse and he and I gave it to him.
Speaker 2:I was like I want to, I want it was a sacrifice to us and but I knew he needed it more than I did and that and that I wanted to be. It was like such a great feeling. It was such a great feeling and he was like he cried and he's like, no, I can't take this. I'm like, yes, you can. I'm like some people have done this for me. This is my way of paying it forward. Please let me. And so he did. But there's also the kind of generosity where you don't feel it Like if you have so much that it doesn't really, you're willing to do it, as long as it's not really a sacrifice to you.
Speaker 1:I don't know that I've felt like that about a lot of things. I can remember when I was, when I, when Jake and I lived in Sarasota, and I was at the library one day and I don't know why, but I had my checkbook with me, like in my purse, and I never have my checkbook with me. Um, and this lady comes into the library and she was like talking with someone and she was just like really stressed and I just felt like I was like hearing god be like you need to give her 500, wow, and I was like in my head I was like no, like I can't do that. I have to pay my own rent. Like I like that's basically my cut of rent.
Speaker 1:Like um, and he was like go to your car and like get your checkbook and because I saw her walk out and I was like all right, um, that's what I'm gonna do. I like walked out, um, and I was like I feel like I heard that something's happening, and I don't know what it is, but I'm like I just feel like god is calling me to help you right now and like I want to give you this check. And she was like like what, like why? And she was and I was like I don't know, I just I feel like that you need this more than I do. And she started crying and she was like that's exactly how much I needed to cover my rent to stay in my house, oh my gosh. And I was like I was like good, then you need it, oh my gosh. And I was like I was like good, then you need it. And like, and she was like can we go in and write it right now the guy's still there, so that he won't like basically kick her out? Yeah, and I was like yeah, like I'll, I'll do it. However, you need me to do it.
Speaker 1:And we went in. He was like are you sure? Like the guy was very confused, yeah, and I was like yep, and I did. And she was like I can't believe you did. And she was like I can't believe you did that, like that was so nice. And she I could tell that she was scared, that like I was going to want it back, yeah, and I was like this, there's no strings with this. Like you don't, it's a gift. You don't I'm like not going to give you my number. Like you don't for you. And she, like she was so like relieved, yeah, and I was like it was like it was all of those God like it was just like completely him like in that moment.
Speaker 1:But um, yeah, it's like things like that and I'm like I want to be able to do that all the time yeah. Yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, me too. I, um, yeah, I think that that's beautiful.
Speaker 1:I've never heard that either yeah, I didn't really tell anybody about it. I just kind of like let it yeah happen like I didn't want. Not that I want credit for it, right now, I just feel like it's one of those things that like, maybe if it inspires somebody else to do the same, like um, but I, I think I at the time I was like I'm not going to tell anybody about this, like I'm just going to let it be for her and it be her gift, and that be it, that's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 2:I wish that we talked about that more. All right, so another thing that nobody ever talks about.
Speaker 1:Health and wellness I put. But I know that people talk about this, but I don't feel I feel like there's sections of it that people don't talk about. And one thing I put here, like in our notes, is like how I think the like health care system is just like very broken, which, like we kind of talked about this a little bit in regards to mental health and like the price and stuff, but um and like how it's financially unsustainable, like it's people can't afford it, and but I'm like one thing that I have experienced within the past few years is like how women, specifically, are underrepresented, they're not advocated for and like dismissed, like because the health care system was created based on how it affects like the male anatomy, um, that when women go in with like chronic pain or extreme pain or whatever they're dealing with, it's like oh, just like take some aspirin, like you'll be fine, like it not acknowledged because it's not as understood, and so it's just like gaslighting them into thinking they're the ones that are crazy. And a really huge example I have seen of this one of the influencers I follow, mick Zazon.
Speaker 1:She has endometriosis and she has, like some other, like chronic illnesses, like she lives in like chronic pain.
Speaker 1:Um, and she like she has been going to the doctors for years and years about how painful it is like for her bladder, like things that are going on within her, like how excruciating like she has had to take like a, I think like a month off of work lately because she's in such pain and just crying all day. And she's like and I go to the doctor and they're like nothing's wrong and she's like something's wrong, like if I'm in this much pain, something's wrong. Like this isn't just me making it up and no, I'm not just going to take advil and do whatever. And recently she had shared that she was on like a girl's trip with two of her friends and she had like a flare-up with, like her like bladder issue and she went in and they tried to dismiss her. But because she was with two of her friends, one of her friends was like no, like that's not good enough. Yeah, try again. Like come back with a different solution and we'll be here.
Speaker 1:Because they were like we're not just going to let you say, take some Advil and move on. And I think that that's something that I realized is way more common than what we talk about when I went to Bali, because everybody that was there was like, yeah, I've been to the doctor and they've told me like this about my period, or they've told me this about my pain or whatever, and I'm like I mean I can even think of that. When I went into my gynecologist, thinking I might have had PCOS, she was like, oh, you don't have it, so you're fine.
Speaker 1:And I was like I still have some symptoms of it yeah and when I have talked to my like hormone coach, now she's like have you, did you get blood tested?
Speaker 2:like there's sometimes it doesn't show up on an ultrasound, like there's things that they didn't do, and um, and she was like but even if you don't have it like you, there's still something like going on, yeah, um, because you're having symptoms, yeah, which is one of the reasons why and we didn't do our highs and lows, I just remembered but, um, one of the things, one of of my lows and my rheumatologist is moving to New Hampshire and I am so upset about it, but partly because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and they thought it might have lupus and they thought all these different things. And then when I got to him, he's like you have a negative RA, which is rheumatoid arthritis, but you have a positive ANA, which is like an indicator that you do have RA, and he's like, basically, he's like it doesn't matter because we're going to treat the symptoms. And at the time I was like what? It doesn't matter. But the thing is that he wasn't just dismissing me because they couldn't figure it out. He was like we're going to treat you like you have RA, because you have the symptoms of RA, and it doesn't matter that it said negative and we're going to do this very what's the word aggressive? This very aggressive treatment so that we can put this in remission right away. And that was a huge thing. So I think that that's another thing, and we talked about this before too.
Speaker 2:But like finding the right doctors, like if a doctor doesn't listen to you, go to a different doctor. You don't have to stay with. The doctor doesn't listen I feel like I have. Like I found an endocrinologist who was excellent, who also thrives on challenges, so he was like I'm going to figure this out, and he took it as a personal. Like I'm going to figure this out and he took it as a personal, like I'm going to figure this out, and that's the kind of doctor you want. If you have a person that's telling you, oh no, you're fine, take aspirin, then you don't have the right doctor and there's a lot of wrong doctors.
Speaker 1:That makes me mad. Yeah, no, mick's story is crazy. She like talks a lot about it and somebody recently just commented on her post and was like I love mick and whatever, but like do we really think she's in this much pain? And she was like, she was like I, she wasn't like aggressive when she posted about it. She was, like, you know, like. The sad thing about this comment is that we are so ingrained to think that women's pain is just not real yeah, yeah and she's like women experience.
Speaker 1:She was I. I heard that period cramps can be as bad as a heart attack. Wow, like that be the same level of pain. Yet we still are expected to do everything at full force. Yep, when we're on our period.
Speaker 2:Yep, and not even no. I know I used to have a terrible. Mine were terrible, like my back. My whole back used to just ache and ache and ache and it was like it was like something was squeezing inside of you. Yeah, it was a terrible. It was terrible yeah, all right so that's another thing that we don't talk enough about yeah, all.
Speaker 1:All right, moving on this one's for you to talk about, because I don't know anything about this. Oh, menopause.
Speaker 2:I really just feel like we don't talk enough about menopause. First of all, there's like a range, an age range of, and you're considered and you go through perimenopause, which is like usually 10 years before you. It can be up to 10 years before you actually hit menopause. That's a long, isn't that a long time? Yeah, so your hormones are already starting to fluctuate in that time period?
Speaker 1:Did you go through it for 10 years?
Speaker 2:I don't know if I went through it for 10 years. I went through menopause early, though, like I was at the cutoff, like 47, I think it's 47, 46 or 47 to whatever. And what I should have said, and what I feel like they need to say more often, is, if you are on the younger side, like if there's a way to reverse it you don't want to go through menopause at that age Because there's so many things affected by that. It's your bone density You're talking about your bones, like I have osteopenia, which is like a bone thing where my bones are weaker in areas of my body because I'm not producing those kind of hormones anymore your skin, your private parts. Yeah, I mean, it is so many things that are impacted that they just act like oh well, you're in menopause. Oh well, at 47. Yeah, and I'm like, no, it is still young and so it's just it and it's brutal. It's, it's brutal, it's hell on earth. Like you feel like you're burning up from the inside. It is, the hot flashes are so brutal, and then the mood swings. It is, the hot flashes are so brutal and then the mood swings. I felt like I wanted to kill people, like it was so bad. It was so bad. I definitely lost some friends at that time. I mean, I was. It was already a hard time in life, but my goodness, that's just. That was a. That was a hard situation and they just don't talk about it enough.
Speaker 2:I follow she's a Peloton instructor, christine. I love her. I am I or I am I. What is it? I am, I do, I will, or I am, I can, I will, I do something like that. That's what she is on Instagram. She's so great, but she's a Peloton instructor and she's so funny because she's like can we get the fans on? And she's like are my hot and cold crew here? Because that's another thing. You get really hot and then you're like freezing to death. So it is um, it is not a fun situation and I just feel like we don't. We don't really talk about it very much no, and there's not, not really.
Speaker 1:I mean that I obviously I don't know, I haven't looked into it, but there I don't know of any like support for that, like when you're in it.
Speaker 2:I mean there's, there's some books and I'm sure there's some more resources, but I'm talking like hands-on helpful like this is how you can navigate it and not be miserable.
Speaker 1:Kind of support, yeah and and even like I mean, and I love my gynecologist, but she was like, okay, whatever, I'm like, I don't know, I just don't think we should take it so lightly it's because it's another thing yeah that is like, while women are just expected to endure whatever kind of like shitty thing that's going on, because, like, we're not going to take the time to figure out how to make it more pleasant for them, because it has no benefit for men.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's frustrating, I don't know.
Speaker 1:So that's the thing that I don't think we talk about yeah, which also leads into how we don't really talk about periods.
Speaker 1:Yep, um, oh man, I feel like I could go on forever about this I think this is something that needs to be better educated from, like elementary school because, like they tell you about periods when you're in fifth grade I remember they like. But also oh this makes me so mad they split up boys and girls and only tell girls about it, which I think is that's dumb, complete bullshit, because Men, any male, anybody in general Should understand Like that human anatomy and like the why and what happens and what can be, like just all those different things Like there's such a lack of education and really what they tell you about when you're in those things. At least when I was, that age was like don't wear a tampon for too long or you'll get toxic shock syndrome. I was so scared of toxic shock because that's what they like.
Speaker 1:But I have a friend that had that that got that so yeah, but you're right that's all they care, that's all they talk about and I'm like it's, that's not really a common thing, especially now. Yeah, and it wasn't common then yeah, it's very, it's a rare, yeah, and they're like oh, be careful, if you wear a tampon, you get toxic shock syndrome. And then, um, they would be like um, then it was just like don't have sex, okay, that's it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like that's yeah, crazy that is that is so like it like blows my mind that that's enough, yeah, for us to talk about such an intense like large part of, like the female yeah, yeah, yeah and like the fact that that, like our periods, people who get periods like are able to create life, like there's so much with that and we're not we're not educating people on this and why?
Speaker 2:why do we not want boys to know? Because shouldn't they understand this? Yeah, and they're going to be a part of it, like buying pads and tampons and things like that yeah, in their lifetime, and also having some kind of empathy would be really great, yeah, so it doesn't really make sense that we even leave men out of this and we also with that, like they should be educated on our hormone cycles and we should be educated on their hormone cycles.
Speaker 2:I didn't even know it was 24 hours, and that's another thing. That's because they used to treat it as if it was a dirty thing um, we're gonna keep it quiet yeah, it's dirty and it's a it's a bad thing.
Speaker 2:You really considered like, oh yes, stay away from her, she is on her period, so that is. And that's a bad thing. You're like considered like, oh yes, stay away from her, she is on her period, so that is. And that's part of like we've continued that into the 21st century, which doesn't make any sense. I've got something in my eye. It's really driving me crazy. All right, another one we don't talk about. I mean, we're really on a roll with the women's fertility and health Postpartum. That can be a brutal situation.
Speaker 1:I'm scared for that. Honestly, that's something I'm nervous about.
Speaker 2:That's understandable. That makes it worse when you feel that way and honestly I feel that way for you Because when you already have depression, anxiety, you're already dealing with that. Then when you're pregnant, your body is just flooded full of hormones.
Speaker 1:Can you take depression meds when you're pregnant?
Speaker 2:I don't know if you can when you're pregnant. I had to go off of mine when I was pregnant. I know that sounds terrible, yeah, but that might not be the case now, because there are like a class of medication where, if it's better for the benefit for, yeah, so that might not be true anymore, but it was 20 years ago. Well, 20 years ago Jackson was going to be 20. That's crazy, yeah. So, but I and you weren't even really supposed to take them when you're breastfeeding. But I did with jackson. I didn't take them with you. I didn't even take medication before you, which is crazy, but, um, but I remember talking to the, the nurse practitioner. She's like she had just come back from a conference and she's like listen, if, if you feel like it is so much more important for you to be stable and safe so that you can take care of your baby, and if there's any trace amount that he's getting in breast milk, she's like, well, you might just be doing him a favor.
Speaker 1:And I was going to say he gets a little boost of serotonin.
Speaker 2:So I was like all right, I mean she helped me because it was it's a, it's hard and you, you, there's so much of you that doesn't want to do something that would hurt your baby. Yeah, but like when you were completely, I mean I had terrible postpartum. It was, it was I mean it was bad. Yeah, I wanted to be a mom most like almost my whole life. I don't remember not wanting to be a mom, like I played with my baby dolls, like I wanted to be a mom. That's another my whole life.
Speaker 2:I don't remember not wanting to be a mom, like I played with my baby dolls, like I wanted to be a mom. That's another thing we don't talk about. And that like breastfeeding, like I remember like pretending to breastfeed my baby doll, I did that too, yeah, and my stepdad made me feel so ashamed. He got mad at me and told me to stop and not to do that and that is a beautiful thing. So I, yeah, I remember being so ashamed I was, so I felt so much shame. It was such a terrible feeling and, um, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and I don't know and there's nothing wrong with like like.
Speaker 1:I think younger kids like appropriately exploring their body. Yes, yes like we don't have to sexualize everything, like that's the problem with so much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was pretending to feed my child. Yeah, so it was, um, yes, and you were a kid, I was a kid, I was like six and um, I mean, I was little and then it's just. But anyway, so I wanted to be a mom the whole my whole life and then when I had you, I I just wasn't expecting like such a severe sadness, yeah, and I'm like what is wrong with me? Do I not love my baby? And also it was really hard, at a really traumatic birth, like you almost died and it was terrifying, it was so scary I thought I, I thought I was dying to save you. That's what I honestly thought was happening.
Speaker 2:And so after that kind of a delivery, that's another thing that ramps up the postpartum and it was hard. It was really hard and I had trouble breastfeeding and I felt like I couldn't do basic things. I'm like I can't even take care of her, I can't even keep her alive. It just felt like I couldn't do basic things. I'm like I can't even take care of her, I can't even keep her alive. It just felt like I don't know, like a terrible mom. I remember one time I couldn't get you to stop crying and I had you in the bassinet and I remember pushing it away from me and it hit the wall and I was like, oh, I'm abusing my child and I really felt like I could definitely see the line of insanity.
Speaker 2:I was like standing by the line of insanity and um and I just feel so, sleep deprived so sleep deprived yeah or your, your body has just excreted. So a human, yeah, a whole entire human, like your body has been through a physical trauma yeah, too, like which I think is like not given enough credit oh for sure, like you're giving, because they're like people just had kids in the pool, in the fields, and but you know what?
Speaker 1:we don't have to do that yeah, so okay, well, we're not in that time frame anymore and I just I don't know.
Speaker 2:That's like saying we just don't the time.
Speaker 1:People used to get stoned when they did so. We don't do that anymore that's awful.
Speaker 2:No, I know it's um, it's just a. I just feel like we just need to be more honest about it and more open about it so that people realize that when that's happening to them, they can seek out help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you need help, and they're not a bad mom no, they're not yeah they're their parental status.
Speaker 2:It doesn't make them less of a person, it's's just and having people around you that recognize signs that's where you're will have such a benefit. Yeah, because you have people that understand that and know what that looks like and you know, so I think that I think that'll be helpful. All right, next Sex, please. All right.
Speaker 1:Next yeah, I don't think people talk about sex very. Oh, I think it's better. I think my generation has gotten a lot better.
Speaker 2:Your generation is definitely better. My generation is very like British. British, I said prudish. Oh, british, prudish, yeah, I guess I don't think all people are. I think maybe I am.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean. Well, even just a second ago you were like private parts. You could just say vagina, yeah, no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think your generation is definitely further along and I also think a lot of uh like.
Speaker 1:The sex topic is, I don't know there's shame in it for women more, yeah, and it that's gotten better, but I mean it's not like just fixed, but, um, I think that's probably why like over time, like it's not like just fixed, but I think that's probably why like over time, like it was harder Because, like, I mean, women who had sex before marriage were like deemed dirty and worthless. So Not the men, just the women, yeah, just the women. So I think, now that we have come into a time where more women are acknowledging the fact that, like, whether you decide to have sex or not, however you decide to have sex, like is your bodily autonomy and like has nothing to do with your worth or who you are, or if god loves you like, and that's one thing. That, one thing I really like about the church that I go to is that they have for the students they do a yearly like talk on sex and they talk about, um, how like damaging that purity culture could have been, because it's like basically shaming you, yeah, into thinking that like, even if you were to make this choice like, then then like god, like is just like. Oh well, that was. You made a horrible, dirty mistake when, like we're created as beings to have sex, like we're, the reason for sex is not just to have a child, like there's lots of reasons for sex so I think like it. Obviously they don't go like that deep into it at church.
Speaker 1:But like they like they do like go over that and like how, like there doesn't need to be shame, but like you can talk to people about it, and I think that kind of stuff is important.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because also the thing with like being more open about sex is like creating more safety around, yeah, around it for sure so and being okay with, um, even having those kinds of conversations with your kids, and even being okay when your kids, like, start to discover themselves, and not making it a shameful event like yeah that's a private thing, yeah, like sex and masturbation doesn't have to be, this like naughty whatever, like which I think masturbation is something that's definitely not talked about yeah, for sure that's more like oh, that's dirty and I I remember when I was a teenager and somebody was talking about I was like with my friends and one of my guy friends was like yeah, like well, you shouldn't masturbate, like if you have a boyfriend, because then you're like being rude to him, and in my head I was like that's so stupid. Yeah, because I'm like does he have to have the same rules? I don't know.
Speaker 2:That is so stupid.
Speaker 1:I just think that's the most ridiculous thing anyone's ever said, also the most male thing anyone's ever said. But I was like, why, like you can also just like, explore your body and be appreciative of pleasure for yourself. Like there's nothing dirty or wrong about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I don't know it's just something people don't talk about.
Speaker 2:All right. Another thing that they don't talk about.
Speaker 1:This is the one that actually Jake kind of brought up. He was like emotional intelligence and comprehending and articulating your feelings, and I think this one is more specific to men, in my opinion. Yeah, Because I know like and Jake will say this, I'm not just saying this from my perspective but before we started dating he didn't like have a good understanding of emotional intelligence, Like he didn't really articulate his feelings, Like he didn't, he was just good, Okay, Whatever, Like that was it and like he's still like sometimes you still like that was it and like he's still like, yeah, sometimes you still, yeah, yeah, he still works on that, um, but I think like it's I mean another thing we don't talk about that in school, we don't really.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I think some teachers have gotten better about it and that there are like specialty things that are done, but like it's not, it's not like just known that we talk about that or like how to express our feelings, and that it's okay to talk about how you feel, especially with with men, because it's like if you're sad or you're crying or you're like struggling then, you're looked at as weak and like it's just another one of those like gender roles that affects mental health.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure For both, and like giving. I mean, I don't think it was like feelings and talking about your feelings like didn't happen as much in my generation.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, excuse me, so like that's, we've come like a long way with that yeah. I mean, I actually think that's one of Jackson's strengths. I think he has a high emotional intelligence. He is definitely able to talk about his feelings and articulate how he feels and why and like even reflect on past behavior.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Which I think is which I don't think a lot of people can do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, because I mean it's hard and scary and vulnerable. Yeah, and yeah, I just think it's just something. I just wish it was like when I'm picturing like the most beautiful ideal, like school situation, I'm like there would be like small groups where you could just talk to people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure, about all of like how you feel.
Speaker 1:yeah, I'm like not even and it doesn't have to be like some strict whatever, but just like I don't know, like a small group time, like, yeah, how was your day? Well, it's been really crappy, and this is why, like exercising the muscle of how to talk about what you're experiencing, yeah, I think that would also prevent a lot of crime.
Speaker 2:But that's a whole nother topic All right, another one relationships. So I didn't write this one down, so you feel like people don't talk about relationships.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like people don't talk about I mean, I was talking to you about this about, especially about friendship dynamics. I think, at least in my experience I always am like okay, well, like I think like I need to have the one best friend and it's just going to be like that forever, and also like I don't think I really learned about the different types of friends until I heard a sermon about it less than a year ago how, like different friends take different seats in your life and are there for a different reason.
Speaker 1:Like you're gonna have the friend that's there to tell you, like when you're kind of being crazy or ridiculous, and they're gonna like be there for you during that and they'll show up when, like, you're having a baby or whatever like they're there for you through thick and thin, but then then you're going to have the friends that are like good for a good laugh and like you don't go to them to tell them about your trauma and like that doesn't mean that they're not a good friend, it just means that they're a different kind of friend. So I think that's something that's not talked about a lot. Think, um, in the romantic sense.
Speaker 1:I think social media has like clouded people's judgment on, I guess, like what that, what that can look like, because I think I love like I when I was a teenager, like I loved the idea of like love and romance and whatever, um, but that's also which is great and that should be in a relationship. But it's not all day, every day, all the time, yeah and um, I think it kind of sucks when you're younger and that's all you see on social media, and then when you have conflict or you have been in a relationship for a while, it's you have to work for that like it's not just like it because you're not in the honeymoon phase anymore yeah so, like you have to learn how to actually like do that too.
Speaker 1:So I think that's something that I mean I've definitely struggled with, because I'm like oh, I look like I see all these influencers and they're like have these big beautiful dates and the bachelor goes to all these countries and candlelit dinners, but um, it's like love is can also be like jake bringing me and filling up my water, yeah, every night.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like, that's such a simple, small act that I appreciate so much. Like, and that's not something they would put in a movie, yeah, you know. So like, yeah, so like. I think that's what I meant by relationships.
Speaker 2:No, I like that. I think that's a good point because you're just seeing, well, social media, you're just seeing, like, most of the time it's just the positive part, yeah, it's like the your best foot forward, but not all the nitty-gritty behind the scenes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it makes you and all the things that lead up to that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you do feel alone, that's true, because you're like I don't have that or I don't have that, is there?
Speaker 1:something wrong with my relationship. Because, I'm not, I don't feel like this all the time.
Speaker 2:Like oh, so many consequences, yeah, yeah, all right. Another one is healthy communication.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think this has to do with I mean, we've talked about it already, I guess. Now it's like weeks ago on the podcast where, like, setting boundaries is something you have to learn.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Figure out within all of your relationships and communicating through conflict is really hard, yeah, especially if both people aren't willing to communicate. I mean, obviously, it's even harder when, when someone right refuses I'm not going to talk, I'm not going to talk about that yeah I'm not going to address the problem that we have, yeah yeah, I just, and I think that they're I mean this.
Speaker 1:I mean healthy communication is like obviously learned over time and it comes from all your childhood stuff and what you've been modeled, but I think it's something. Another thing I wish. I just wish there was more life, things I guess taught in school Because I feel like communication is the key of any relationship you're in yeah Period.
Speaker 2:And working through. When you love someone, you go through it. Yeah With them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it doesn't have to be a screaming match.
Speaker 2:No, no, no yeah.
Speaker 1:Like it can. You can go through conflict and love someone. Yeah, Through conflict and then learn each other more through that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I think like when people are in a state in their life where they don't know how to do that, then your relationships are are going to suffer. And you'll see that, yeah for sure you have to know how to deal with conflict in a way that is like at least like respectful and kind, yeah, I agree, agree, um, and yeah, yeah, and the only way to really like hone those skills, practice those skills, is doing it. So, um, but also like it being modeled, I think is oh for sure, that's a huge because, like you'll, you learn.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you could learn the anti-example.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But like you don't know if that's the anti-example until, like you're, you know like yeah, so yeah, I don't know. I just I think I love seeing like parenting stuff, like on TikTok and stuff of like parents teaching their kids like how to communicate like with them, like they'll practice it with them.
Speaker 1:Um, so that way, like they have a stronger like intelligence around, like their emotions and communicating that and like being able to like actually use it as like a grown person eventually cool, which I think is yeah. It Obviously there's some like really extreme versions, but yeah.
Speaker 2:All right, and then the last one. When it's time to take meds.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So I feel like we've hinted or not hinted, but talked about this, Especially the episode about suicide and mental health and what it's like to be on meds and what it's like to change meds and need a different med.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I definitely feel like I mean, I still have a friend that is like, oh no, I couldn't take that because of all the side effects and there are side effects, so that is something to know but you don't get all. No, you're right, you don't get all the side effects.
Speaker 1:So that is something to know, but you don't get all.
Speaker 2:No, you're right, you don't get all the side effects and also you don't know for sure how it's going to impact you, until you have tried it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and normally at least from what I've experienced with the list of meds that I've been on, is that like when you have side effects, it's not like you're just like, or like, boom, you're dead, like you're not just gonna like, instantly like drop down to the ground like things come, and then you tell your psychiatrist like okay, well, like I like, for example, like dry mouth is like something that happens to me, which is why I always have my water.
Speaker 1:Um, like that was something that like happened. I like happened. I was like okay, like I start, I'm starting to have dry mouth. And when I told my psychiatrist at the time, she's like is it something that is affecting you so much that we need to try something different? Yeah, or is it something that you feel like is like a livable, like fine thing, and I'm like that's great for me. It makes me drink more water.
Speaker 1:So, like I don't really care, but like also like you can lose your libido when you're on a new med and I was like that.
Speaker 2:I don't want, so like let's try something different. Weight gain has been the thing for me Like I just increased you know, it's not that long ago and gained some weight with it. I'm like, oh, so that is. That's that's hard, frustrating. And then, but then you're like well, the alternative is I'm just really sad and angry all the time yeah, so you have to.
Speaker 1:You have to weigh, yeah, the options and you have to have a good like point of contact to go, yeah, over what is worth it and what's not. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:For sure, all right. So those are some topics that people don't like to talk about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would love to hear in the comments, or I don't know what's a topic you don't love to hear about.
Speaker 2:What is a topic or talk about?
Speaker 1:What is this? Maybe is there something we missed? Is there something that you were like? Oh, I did not like hearing you talk about that like tell us in the comments below, um, and, yeah, ask us any questions you have about these topics. I mean, like we just basically went the tip of the iceberg with all of them, so yeah, well, I mean it, would they all of those could be a separate topic for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So all right, have a great week and we'll see you next monday. Bye.
