Mind Your Heart
Welcome to "Mind Your Heart," this cozy corner of the internet where Trina Deboree and Emily Reneé —your real-life Lorelei and Rory Gilmore duo—come together each week to chat about everything from mental health to the daily nuances of life. In each episode, we peel back the layers of topics like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders with warmth, understanding, and a touch of humor (because otherwise, this just sounds depressing)!
Trina, an educator turned entrepreneur and mental health advocate, joins forces with her daughter Emily, a mental health coach and anorexia survivor, to share their journeys and insights in a way that feels like a heart-to-heart with old friends. The goal? To spark conversations that truly matter and to create a space where laughter meets healing.
Let's navigate the ups and downs of mental health together, making each day brighter and each challenge a little lighter. Grab your emotional support water bottle, put in your headphones, and join us while we mind our hearts for chats that comfort and inspire.
Mind Your Heart
Creating Safe Spaces for Students and Teachers
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Can empathy and understanding transform the educational environment? Join us as we navigate the often-overlooked mental health challenges within the school system. We bring attention to the unseen efforts of teachers who, despite common misconceptions, spend their summers preparing for the school year without additional pay. We delve into the immense pressures faced by educators and students alike, emphasizing the critical need to recognize and address these mental health struggles in and out of schools.
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Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your favorite corner of the internet where we chat about all things mental health. I'm Emily.
Speaker 2:And I'm Trina. Together, we're like your real-life Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. Each week, we'll bring you real conversations about the world of mental health and we will peel back layers on topics like anxiety, depression and much more.
Speaker 1:We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff, the everyday stuff and everything in between. So grab your emotional support water bottle I know we have ours. Find your comfiest chair or keep your eyes on the road and let's get into it. Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Join us as we mind our hearts and hopefully make minding yours a little easier. Hi Hi, welcome back, welcome back, alright. So today just a reminder I'm Trina, I'm Emily and even though we say that in the intro, I know, but the thing is is that on YouTube we don't have that little Ah yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:But the thing is, is that on YouTube we don't have that little oh yeah, OK, we don't have the verbal. So, like, if you're watching on YouTube, on the actual like audio part of the podcast, in the beginning there's like a little intro and it introduces us that way. So if you're listening right now, you're like yeah, no shit, I already know who you are.
Speaker 2:Listen to that.
Speaker 1:But we're also accommodating to our youtube subscribers.
Speaker 2:You're right, so okay, so I'm trina.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm emily, we already said that now we said it three times. So if you don't know, then you really need some help all right, yeah, okay, so we are talking about mental health in the school system.
Speaker 2:Oh boy, so at this point in the year, like we are, we're this is airing on the second week of September and by that time it's after Labor Day. So now I can wear white. No, you can't after Labor Day. I thought it was after Labor Day you could wear white. No, you can't after labor day. I thought it was after labor day you could wear white. No, it's um. No, now you no longer can wear white after labor day.
Speaker 1:And yeah, okay, well let me explain this just briefly. Okay, this was like such a strict rule from you. It was because of my grandmother, yeah. And then so recently we were I don't we're, we're like on the way to dinner or something. We were talking about white before and after labor day and I was like can I let me just look this up, because I want to know like what rule of fashion is saying this, because I'm like I surely have seen some people.
Speaker 1:Plus we're in florida, so it's a little different yeah, and that was like a rule in like the 1800s.
Speaker 2:All right, so we discontinued it, but now it's like to carry on tradition, yeah, so well, I will be wearing white after all, right me too, because I have my favorite converse, like platform converse. Yeah, yeah, I thought shoes didn't count. Shoes count. Yes, so many shoes count. It's all right because we're not going to abide by it. But, um, if you're a, I thought shoes didn't count. Shoes count.
Speaker 1:Yes, so many rules, shoes count.
Speaker 2:It's all right, because we're not going to abide by it, but if you're a northerner you might, because I feel like it's more strict in northern.
Speaker 1:Not that there's a police. Yeah, they get pulled over and get a ticket.
Speaker 2:There's a passion police, so anyway, it's going to be airing the second week of September and everyone should be back to school by that point. Like everybody everywhere should be back to school usually starts at least after Labor Day. Yeah, we have been in school. In my area I live like there's a school right behind my house the kids start.
Speaker 1:Monday yeah, so does the one next to our house. So does yours, yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, which is in the like middle of August.
Speaker 1:So yeah, like middle, I guess, which is um in the like middle of august. So, yeah, like middle I guess it's beginning.
Speaker 2:So august feels so long well, august is not long, it has 31 days. So anyway, um yeah so we're gonna. So we're gonna talk about mental health in the school system because well, we both true yeah, it's rough, it's a it's, it can be rough.
Speaker 2:So I think that um think, if you, if your children, are in the school system, or you're a teacher in the school system or a guidance counselor or anything that you are, if you're in the school system, you know that it is really nice to have those breaks. But people often think of those breaks as, like you know, you're just hanging out and having fun and um, and the thing is is that they're like you get paid for that, but you don't. Actually you don't get paid for that um, also, you get paid for that.
Speaker 2:It's such bullshit to me because you get paid like dirt, like dirt yeah, so like you get paid for that, you, you get paid like dirt.
Speaker 1:Like dirt yeah. So like you get paid for that, you barely get paid to do your actual job during the year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and a lot of people take time to just continue to work. I mean, I worked every summer on my classroom, in my classroom at school, and it was. I recall I was there, yeah, yeah. So I think that that's a misconception that people often have about teachers and people. I recall I was there, smaller, you know, when it's divided like that, but they do stretch it out in payments.
Speaker 2:Most school districts stretch it out, so that you're not mine, because mine doesn't know how to divide by 24. So, but yeah, we won't even start with that. So it is. I will say it's nice to work on your own timeframe and to like feel like you're in control of your schedule because it's so micromanaged when you are teaching. But it is nice to have that little bit of downtime, as far as not being micromanaged every second, and then it is. I will say, another like benefit is when you come back anew every year.
Speaker 2:Like that's a really good feeling to be like I'm starting new, I've got a fresh class, I've got a fresh you know fresh group of people that I'm working with, or whatever the situation is, and so that is like that can be really like good for your mentality. So I think that that's a benefit. But the hard part is often everything else and it's not like you ease into the school year. It's like boom, yeah, it's intense, it's so intense and and I've also noticed in my, my area and I'm sure this is true for other people that principals that are not considering their staff like needs and and their staffs their downtime, they're not. They're like expecting them to like meet with kids and like you mean like during the summer.
Speaker 2:During the summer yeah, so the school near me is all the first grade teachers. They're going to meet at the park. So all your first graders, if you're at this school, then come at the park on this one day. Yes, so there's expectation, like as a required thing all your first graders, if you're at this school, then come at the park on this one day. Yes, so there's expectation as a required thing.
Speaker 1:It is expected that you attend, so yes, so it's like that it's frowned upon?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's frowned upon if you don't come and the the motto of the school is family, like that's what they put first as family and whatever.
Speaker 1:The other two I can't remember like you can frown upon me, then it's everyone else's, everyone else's family.
Speaker 2:It's not the actual school system's family that they care about. So I think that that's just. I mean I understand sometimes you might want to do that as a teacher.
Speaker 1:I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to do that, but then make that your choice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but not that it's an expectation or that you are looked at badly if you don't want to come.
Speaker 2:I think there's stages of life for people, and when you have kids in the school system, maybe you want to be a part of it because your kids are excited. But when you're older or younger or you don't have kids, or whatever your situation, maybe you don't want to do that. And on top of that, it's not just that, it's also they expect you to do some kind of professional development, often without paying you. They expect you to meet with your teams at least once, not without paying you once again. And so I think that's just we're talking about two to three days of them more of them asking for something beyond what you already give. What you already give is beyond what you're ever paid for.
Speaker 2:So I think that is a hard mentality and some people take it better than others. Some people are like, yes, I would love to do a team builder when I should be setting up my classroom, and other people are like, no, this is really annoying, I need to get to work and you're preventing me from getting to work. There's so many ways of looking at it, because team builders can be really positive, but when you're working in such a scarcity situation, it's hard for you to be asked to do more, more and more. I think that's really the problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I also. One thing that we have talked about extensively is the fact that, like because, like teachers and even administrators and up and up and up, like aren't taking care of their mental health or aren't being taken care of, like that all bleeds into the students. Like students feel so intensely, like they know when things are hard, whether they understand it or not. Yeah, so like, that's why I feel like so strongly about it being such a systemic issue, because it's like you could say like, oh well, this school doesn't do this or whatever, but if we're not providing care for teachers and we're not providing care for the people who are caring for them, and the people who are caring for them, then like it's it, it's not gonna work.
Speaker 1:Like it's it's the chain reaction to that. So like the students are feeling that and then that's also like not having that kind of care for the people that you're paying like is becomes like the the baseline, and then that's how it is for the kids too, because mental health counseling in school sucks. Yeah, like it's terrible. I have experienced it from multiple different grade levels and it's all been horrible. Like there's never been a time where I'm like, yeah, this was the best experience.
Speaker 1:Like I had somebody when I was in elementary school who did really care about me, but I just don't think that they were well equipped enough to be able to spot things that they could have if they were at a higher level, and that that's not even putting her down. It's just like, again, she wasn't provided the resources that she should have been. And then when I was in middle school, no one cared at all. That was when they basically were like well too bad, so sad, move on, yeah. And then when I was in high school, it was like they were telling me that I wasn't doing enough, basically, and that I was going to. They literally told me like I was going to fail if I didn't go to college. So like if that is the basis for all of mental health in the school. Like no freaking wonder, everything's a crap. Show afterwards Like you're starting from the worst, yeah.
Speaker 2:You're not taking care of all the people. And in defense of school counselors, because I know school counselors, they want to be. Most of them want to be school counselors. They want to actually counsel students, they want to work with groups of kids, they want to push into classrooms, they want to be there for individual kids. They have a heart for children, for individual kids. They have a heart for children. But what has happened is the school counselor role has become a guidance counselor, which is more of a test proctor, and I got to work out the testing situation, which is ridiculous Such a waste of their skills, such a waste of skills and they are given more and more responsibilities that fall outside of actually counseling the students.
Speaker 2:So it's some of it's not even their fault, it's a position that they're put in and, and so I think that and when people are like this is not my problem I don't work in the school system it's all of our problems when it comes to how it impacts the children. And also I mean I when people say that. I'm like I always feel bad when I hear that people in other professions are being treated in an oppressive manner. If I hear about oppression then I feel like it should be all of our problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like, oh, that's like being like if, like when I don't know, like sex trafficking still happens. Yeah, being like, oh well, it doesn't happen to me, so not my problem, like, are you sure? Yeah, because I think that's a pretty big problem for everyone. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So anything that's impacting, you know, the future generation, we should be invested. And I mean and you're right, it does start with you know, we've got to take care of our leaders, our school leaders. We have to, you know, respect and treat them kindly and well and also provide mental health resources for them. And then we have, we want that same expectations of those people to do to teachers because, administrator, they can make or break a school experience and and and administrators that are really gung ho with family and community, that's great. But if you're not really gung ho with family and community, that's great. But if you're not really gung ho on taking care of your teachers, you're actually hurting your community. And that, and when you're just expectations, is constantly more, more, more, more more. That that's not, that's not helping.
Speaker 2:That doesn't help at all. In fact, I had an administrator once who he? He came to our school and he was very like he was. I remember when it was open house night and it was like seven o'clock, which is when it's supposed to end. Never before had anyone told parents like, let's go time's up. They just trickled in and out. They were, we were there, we weren't leaving until like eight o'clock at night. Well, this, this administrator got on the, on the announcements. He's like we're going to put up, turn on the code in three minutes. You got three minutes to leave. I mean, he didn't say it, meanly, he was like we're so glad you came out tonight.
Speaker 2:We just got to get our teachers home. The code, the alarm, is going on in three minutes, so we'll see you on Monday.
Speaker 2:Really nice and I remember being like I wanted to start crying that one little simple act of kindness. It was so impactful to me and I mean, have you know, 25 plus years in education, yeah, it was something I still remember because it was like they, it was like he, he cared about us, he wanted us to go home, he didn't want us to get stuck because it happens all the time where you get stuck with a parent who just is talking and talking, and talking and talking, and you're like it's 7 30, I gotta go, I have to put my own children to bed, yeah, and so it's. And you're like it's 730. I got to go, I have to put my own children to bed, and so it's just. It's so nice when we've got people that are taking care of you, and I'm not even asking them to give us like activities for our mental health. I'm asking them to show some simple kindness, just some respect and decency, yeah, and not always these expectations of what are you doing wrong?
Speaker 2:Even as far as like, as far as observations go, I think principals could get so much more information about what's happening in a classroom by teaching it themselves. I think they should go in and read books inside of a classroom. You would get so much information. You would know how the classroom works as a community. You would know how kids ask and answer questions. You would know how like routines and systems are in place. You would know the behavior of the kids, because is this the expectation that teacher normally has? There's so much information you can get just by doing it yourself, and then you don't have somebody that's on display for you, which is so. It's the worst feeling to feel like someone's watching you while you do your job.
Speaker 1:While you do your job, you feel like you have to do everything different.
Speaker 2:You feel like you're doing a dog and pony show. It's very and even yeah, it's just a lot of pressure. And then you have to be hitting all these marks on an evaluation sheet and it's very stressful and teachers work so hard on that, and then it's just a really stressful moment that I feel like an administrator could get so much information just reading a book to the class themselves and they could see, and then we wouldn't have. I don't even think this is necessary anyway, like a SPART. I think there's got to be another way that we take. I mean, what about even questioning kids like how they feel about their teachers? I mean, obviously this looks different in high school than it does in elementary school, because you're going to get more honest answers from younger kids probably about that I mean older kids if they don't like their teacher and things like that. So I think there's just got to be a better way. We just don't have to do everything exactly the same.
Speaker 2:We just find a different way to honor the people that work in our system.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just another example of like this all or nothing black and white kind of mentality that I think really just takes over the world. Yeah, like, if I'm being honest, because it's like like you're trying to almost like streamline and make something the same for something that's never going to be all the same, like it's just like you're asking for an impossible result and then you're getting mad when you don't get the result that was impossible to get in the first place.
Speaker 2:Well, you're asking, this is it's like an oxymoron. You're asking schools to standardize so that everything's the same, and then you're asking them to differentiate so that they're meeting the needs of all children. You can't do both of those things at the same time, so it's like use your right hand, use your left hand what? So? It makes it so difficult. So okay, so what are some things that people can do in a school system? What can teachers do in order to take care of themselves and our administrators to take care of teachers, and so on and so on? Um, what are some things?
Speaker 1:I mean, I think what I said about simple acts of kindness really go a long way, for sure yeah, I also feel like and I know that this is a hard thing for teachers but like saying no sometimes yeah, yeah, I know that that like is like, oh my god. Like that sounds like the end of the world, but like, if you don't want to go to that, expected yeah family thing.
Speaker 1:Are you you have plans, or even if you don't have plans, no, sorry, I can't make it. Yeah, and then just being okay if that's frowned upon. Yeah, like, yeah it because to'm like, take the pressure off of yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, set your boundaries and stick to them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. Because if you're, because, first of all, if you're going and you're begrudgingly there, no one is, that's not benefiting anyone. And also, if you say no and it's Somebody's mad about it, what does that mean? No and it's somebody's mad about it, what does that mean? Like you're probably not gonna get fired. Also, let's say you do get fired, then maybe, like this is a sign that you shouldn't be in that space to begin with, which I know is like whoa, like that's an extreme and a big thing to say and easy for me to say sitting here, but I also I just feel like you don't have to live in this scarcity of like what if I get fired, if I don't do this?
Speaker 2:there's so much fear attached to this profession. Yeah, there's so much fear like you're going, you'll be fired, you'll be charged with a third degree felony if you give them the wrong book. Um, that's what's happening in our state. Like so ridiculous. There's so much fear like you're gonna get in trouble if you don't do this. It really is like such a authoritative type of I just I don't think that's how you get people to do things. I don't think that's how you get people to follow things. I mean, temporarily it might work, but it's not a long-term solution. But I don't know if they're looking for long-term solutions, because most people don't even stay in teaching more than five years Like it's a huge percentage of people that leave the profession at five years, and so it's.
Speaker 2:But and speaking of leaving the profession, I think that there's a shortage. So right now, this is the best time for teachers to set boundaries, because they need you. So there's a current shortage and they're going to take what they can get, and so if you're pushing back at a time when they need us, that's the time to do it, because you have a little more leverage and taking care of yourself is a priority.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's almost like as a teacher. You have to go into it with the mindset of like I am the abundance and like if I say no and then they decide that they don't need me, then something better is coming to me.
Speaker 1:Like it's and I know how easy it is to say that versus to do it but it's like you have to put that into practice and believe in yourself enough that, like, if somebody is going to dispose of you for something that you do that's good for your mental health, then something better is, something is better for you yeah. And like you weren't meant to be there in the first place, and you're going to show up abundantly in your classroom anyway.
Speaker 2:So so you show up abundantly in the parts where you're supposed to or where you're contracted to or where you feel are important for you, but then you say no to the things that are extra or that you don't necessarily have to do, because you're also taking care of yourself, and I think that's really important. I mean, I remember coming home every single day with like mounds of things to do and you're, then you're taking away time from your own family, yeah, from your own marriage, from your own kids, I used to help you grade papers.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I remember that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I mean, am I allowed to say that, yeah, yeah. So I mean, am I allowed to say that, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, um, I just think it's so important for for teachers to be able to take care of themselves, and also for for people like you. Start setting those kinds of boundaries and people start going okay and and they start, they stop asking you to do those kinds of things and they, you know whether they leave you alone or not, I don't know.
Speaker 2:It's like it's just such a system, but I also think it's okay to want to do some of those things. Like it doesn't make you, you know, wrong because you want to spend extra time doing you know it. Really, it's on your timetable. I think that's the important part is that you get to decide do I want to give this or do I not want to? Whether you do or don't, it's not relevant, it's what you decide. I think when you're true to yourself and that's another thing Teachers are often asked not to be true to what they believe. Like they're asked to do things that they feel is hurting children and and I don't mean like physically hurting them- but.
Speaker 2:I mean, you know, asking them to put kids on programs for 30 minutes a day where kids are crying, like that doesn't. No, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do things that are hurting kids and um, and when they ask you to do that kind of stuff, it feels like it's very demoralizing. They're not taking your judgment into consideration, they're not taking your expertise. They never take your judgment or expertise into consideration. So, even some of those kinds of things, if we did better with that, if we actually listened to a teacher, took their expertise, trained them, gave them the training, gave them the tools and then trusted them, it would be a whole different world.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I feel like there's so many things that should be changed in like the system, but it's like obviously, like like that, would that'll take a long yeah, it's a.
Speaker 2:It's a it's definitely needs a complete rehaul it needs a complete rehaul. It can't even just be slightly adjusted it needs a complete rehaul yeah, and like.
Speaker 1:While teachers who are in the classroom right now are in it, I think it's important to also to like support each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because like.
Speaker 2:Because they pit you against each other. Yeah, they put you on these graphs and they put your class scores on these graphs and they compare you and then they say things about this team or that team. It's like real life social media.
Speaker 2:It really is. It's a really. It's like they don't want you to like each other. So if you're competitive, or if you're competing with one another, that's the goal. That's what it feels like, because if you compete, then you'll work harder. How about we focus on collaborating? How about we focus on, like, boosting one another up, because this is a predominantly female-based job and we are, like we are just stepping over each other. Like what if we actually, like lifted each other up? It would, it would really make a huge difference too. So I think there's some things that that we have control over as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's just so and you know this better than anyone. It's so hard because it's like you're kind of in a position of like this is extreme, but being brainwashed into thinking you have to do yeah, this or that. But I think it's just so important before you go in or at the beginning of the school year which is where whoever is listening to this now is is like to start off wherever you are, even if you're listening to this halfway through the school year. Start now, start being just being kind to someone else, like setting doing that to other people, like just in small ways, like you're also like you're teaching by example. So like even if you just pop in and say hi to like people on your grade level every morning, wish them a good day, like that's not a that probably would take you like 10 minutes except where you end up getting stuck in their classroom and or send them a text yeah, like have a group chat and say good morning, like I hope everybody has a great day.
Speaker 1:yeah, like, or what's one thing we can all support each other with? Like something like that would be so small and also just increase the work environment, which is, yeah, the morale.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the morale is really it takes a beating, and the hardest times are at the beginning of the year and the end of the year.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They're just so. There's so much to do, and that's another thing, like if we took some of these to-do items off of their list, we took them off of the teacher. We don't need to have them because some of them feel like it feels like busy work. So it's like some things you do, you really need this? Do you really need to have this? We need to simplify, I don't know. I just think there's a lot that can be done to help teachers. All right, so we've talked about excuse me, we've talked about teachers and educators in the workforce. But what about? Or in education, but what about? What about the kids? Like, what are some? You know, if you have a child who is super anxious to go to school and and they, you know, or don't want to go to school, or they're having feelings of anxiety or depression, you know what are some things we can do for them?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think this is hard. I feel like this is a harder answer in my mind because I was that kid when I was in sixth grade Like I didn't want to go to school at all, like it was sounded horrible to me.
Speaker 2:And you grew up in a school, so it's like wow. Yeah, Is this before like the bullying thing, or this is? You felt this way all along in sixth grade.
Speaker 1:I feel like it was a little bit of both, but then there were, I mean, there were definitely moments where I felt like that in high school, like where I like did not want to go to school, like everything in me like I was like, oh, like I just hate this, um. So it was like on and off and I think, like one thing, one thing that is not done enough, that I think you did really well, was that like my mental health was treated as like my overall health. So like on a day where I was like I am like so anxious and upset and tired and I just can't do it, like that was a sick day, like I was allowed, like obviously, like I wasn't staying home for a week at a time, like just doing nothing, but like if I needed a Monday to like recover from the thought of going to school, then like every once in a while, that was okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because like your mental health is your health too, so I think that is something that, like parents, can try to be a more considerate of. But it's also hard for me to say that, because a lot of parents have to work so much that it's like, okay, well, what if my kid's not old enough? What do I do with that? Like it's, there's so many layers to it, but I do think, like giving them a mental health day yeah, every so often yeah giving them no.
Speaker 1:I think that's a great idea and like actually like and not being like. Oh well, let's make sure you have your homework done for this and that, like actually giving them like a day off like of school and like doing something like self-care worthy, like actually going outside and being away from like a computer or like watching a movie with them or you know, like something like that. That is giving them a break, an actual break, an actual break, yeah.
Speaker 2:I think, no, I think that's the expectations that are going on right now in schools are so high.
Speaker 2:The expectations are so high, yeah, and we're definitely teaching towards the school type of kid, the you know, the kid that thrives in school and is, you know, higher achieving, and we're just leaving the rest of the people behind and we're focusing only on one way Like school is great for you, but maybe school could be great for people that learn better by moving if we actually allowed them to move some more. So I think those you know I could go on and on about that, so I won't go down a rabbit hole Taking a break is essential and I think that's essential for kids. I think it's okay for kids to miss school periodically, not all the time, but because you don't want to be lost and confused and just make it worse.
Speaker 2:But you want to be able to just put it down and take a little break every now and then, and then, and I think teachers should do the same thing. I think teachers should take mental health days. I think everyone should do that I do too, because sometimes you just need a reset, yeah, and or you just need to lay on the couch and watch Netflix.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's, and not have to think about what's coming tomorrow.
Speaker 2:What's coming tomorrow, all the things that I have to do. Yeah, like actually just putting that down and not carrying it. I think that's a really good idea. I also think that even having you know if your child is super anxious about school, you know, communicating this, communicate this with your child's teacher. This, communicate this with your child's teacher.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I feel like I used to feel like I remember having a student whose mom had cancer and they didn't tell me. I found out like months down the line somehow, but not from the family and I'm like, oh my goodness. I mean I felt like I treated my students with kindness, but you're going to give a little bit of extra care and love to someone who's struggling with that at home. And also it helps you become aware of their behavior. Are they isolating themselves? Are they not getting along? Are they growing angry easily? Let me recognize some things that are happening and understand and have some grace. I just think communicating is really important and I had a student I remember this is another student I had who his brother, and I had his brother as well.
Speaker 2:His brother had leukemia when he was young. So the little brother was dealing with this, the family was dealing with this and they left him at school, at daycare, wherever he was. Well, they got interrupted because of, like, a medical emergency and they didn't get to the younger kid Like he felt like he was waiting, like they were, they forgot him. They felt like they forgot him. So he had a lot of leaving anxiety.
Speaker 2:And I remember his mom coming to me I mean, I'd had the older brother, so we had a relationship. She came to me, we talked about it and I went out of my way every day to like excite him when I saw him, to get him to want to come into the classroom to help break that separation anxiety that he was having. And he did, it worked. And so it was just a matter of communicating that and or, you know, even finding another, like a school counselor or the ESC specialist or the assistant principal or somebody that can check in, you know, once a day or something like that. Now, that's hard to do, I know that there's so many kids.
Speaker 1:You have to fight for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's so many kids, you're right, you do have to fight for that. Now, that's hard to do. I know that there's so many kids. Yeah, there's so many kids, you're right, you do have to fight for that. But, um, but, like, sometimes it's worth it. Sometimes, yeah, especially if you have a really high anxiety. Um, what's another thing that you that we can do for kids that really struggle with, with, um, like, feeling like school is not a place for them?
Speaker 1:with um like, feeling like school is not a place for them. It's hard because I'm like this is another part where I'm like this is a systemic issue in and of itself because I, as someone who thought it was a place for them and then didn't yeah, like it was.
Speaker 1:Like it was almost like putting the scarlet letter on at that point. Like you're very like isolated and secluded, not only by like administration, but teachers too. Like as soon as I figured out like I'm not going to go to college, like I don't really want to do that and maybe I will one day who knows, like I was just whatever, like I had teachers tell me well then you're gonna work at McDonald's and you're not gonna be successful. Like, yeah, are you kidding me? Yeah, like that's horrible, that's a horrible thing, and maybe somebody's dream is to work at McDonald's. All power to you. Yeah, but that was not my dream.
Speaker 2:Yeah we're not gonna say we have to. We have to recognize as adults whether you're a teacher or not that the words that we say to children impact them, and and it impacts them greatly when people say things like you're going to fail, you're going to, you're going to be a loser, like my brother had someone say that he was going to be a loser, like he was going to go nowhere. Well, he proved them wrong yeah, um, but it's like you don't want to have those kinds of things in your mind where you're constantly feeling like you have to prove somebody wrong.
Speaker 2:Like that that's awful. Like that's an awful thing to say to a child yeah, yeah. And if they don't do what? Just what you think is right, that doesn't make them wrong.
Speaker 1:It's none of your business to tell them that, though, like you're not their parent, like you're their, you are just their teacher, like you're an impactful person in their life, but like it is not your job to dictate what they do and don't do with their decisions. Like, as long as they're safe, and like cared for and like doing you know, like doing the best they can in school. But like, I mean, I even had a teacher we had a, an exchange student from Spain, and she was a model, um, she was very pretty, very sweet girl and um, and my teacher was like, yeah, like she's just like so beautiful, like I've never seen someone so beautiful like that. Um, and and then she like looked at me and my friend at the time and was like, well, my friend, um, she was like well, like you're all so beautiful, like that, and she's like you're, you're pretty, but not in that way to you and I was, I remember being like well, what the fuck is that supposed?
Speaker 2:to mean, that's not even true, like it was.
Speaker 1:It was very much like. I mean I was, I think I was like 16 or 17, like what a horrible thing to say to a teenage girl yeah, in high school, yeah, like that's. Then you're also. You're literally pitting girls against each other well, no, no, kidding, what an awful thing to say.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just don't think that people are thinking sometimes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so stuff like that. I feel like I had really good relationships with some of my teachers throughout all of my school life, but I think that there tends to be a boundary overstepping with teachers sometimes where they feel like the student is their friend. Um, and that's a dangerous place to be. Yeah, because as much as you may like, adore and love one of your students like they're not your friend yeah like they're not your cohort that you can just talk about your life with. Like they're're not, they're too young.
Speaker 1:Like these are children that like are impressionable and like still are not developed all the way.
Speaker 2:Their prefrontal cortex is not developed until you're 25 fully.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's not. They're not capable of handling those kind of emotions on top of what they're already dealing with and their own emotions.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I feel like it's important, like, if you're a teacher and you feel like you tend to talk to kids who want to listen to you, then maybe it's time that you find a counselor for yourself and not in a way that's like that's a judgment or a shameful thing. You have relationships with kids that are strong. That's great, but you need to make sure that your boundaries are not. You're not stepping over their boundaries as children, and that you're talking to somebody who listens, who isn't an adolescent, because, like, it's not a child's job to take on any of your feelings, thoughts or emotions. Yeah, they've got plenty going on yeah, for themselves.
Speaker 2:That's interesting. Um, yeah, that's an interesting perspective. I feel like, yeah, I don't know, I don't know, I just think we just we just have to, we just have to be careful. I think we have to be careful with what we say to one another, the things that we, the expectations that we have on ourselves and on other people. I, I don't, I think that's that's the important thing to remember yeah, yeah and just like also just doing the best you can.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like it being okay if you're not perfect student or teacher or administrator, whatever, yeah, you don't have to be.
Speaker 2:You're not too perj. I also think if you have a child that's like super stressed about school, make sure that they also get a boundary. Like if school is a place that doesn't feel super happy, then make home or sports or dance or art or whatever the happy part.
Speaker 2:Yeah, something that they get to do, yeah, something that they can look forward to and get to move into and that their whole world isn't consumed by the zone of drudgery. Like you know, have a limit on homework and talk to teachers about that. This is they've spent an hour on this. They're not spending any more than this. They already are there for seven and a half hours a day.
Speaker 1:And I used to have to spend so much time doing homework I know I remember.
Speaker 2:I mean I had parents complain about me not giving enough homework, and I remember being like here you go, here's a helpful thing called Google. So if you want more, you can certainly do more.
Speaker 2:I'm not stopping you from doing more but I'm not going to assign more Because, well, my philosophy was I expect kids to work hard when they're in school and then I want them to go home and be a kid, because I think there's more, there's many facets to a person than just the thing that they're doing. That's true for us in our jobs as well. I want to teach kids to have like a work-life balance, like we're going to work here but then they're going to go home and they're going to do something else. Yeah, because we're not exercising all of our creative muscles and our critical thinking muscles and our other types of personality, and then we've got kids that don't know what to do. They get to college and they don't know what they want to do because they haven't experienced anything else. It's all just been about school and nothing has been about what they love.
Speaker 2:So I think, if your child is stressed at school, obviously talk to the teacher. Obviously talk to the teacher, obviously talk to the school counselor, maybe even a counselor for your family, and then allowing them to set boundaries. I'm going to allot an amount of time that you're going to work on homework and that's it, and then, beyond that, you're not going to do it beyond that, because actually there's a lot of research that indicates that it's not even helpful, not even in high school. So it's not helpful, at least until high school. So it does nothing for a child in the early grades and people are like we'll teach you some responsibility. I would rather they learn responsibility by doing their chores.
Speaker 1:I was going to say clean your room, or clean the bathroom, or feeding the dog or picking up after themselves or something like that.
Speaker 2:They don't need to learn responsibility with extra homework. I don't need to learn how to do my job by spending extra time on my own time learning about my job and maybe I do, but I think there's got to be a break, or maybe you just need different training. Yes, maybe you do need different training If you need to give that much homework then what are you doing?
Speaker 1:What is the kid doing during school? That's true.
Speaker 2:That's another question. Are they unable to finish their assignments in class? Is there any time for them to do some of that? So these are all conversations you want to have if your child is struggling with anxiety around school. Really, offering them a safe space outside of school is a huge, a huge thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, one more thing too that I feel is important because, like I'm thinking about excuse me, the kids I work with at church, like the students that I work with who are high school, middle school age, and like the common thing that I see in like their stress and anxiety is that they feel like their parents just aren't listening to them Like that. Or like when they tell their parents like they have this kind of problem, their parents like, oh well, that's not that big of a deal, because to an adult, a 13 year old, who's having a problem with a boy, they liked for two seconds seems so little, but that's their whole world right now yeah like you as a parent, like you have so much going on and like they don't know that yet yeah
Speaker 1:they don't understand that, and not because they don't care about you, not because they don't love you, not because they don't respect you, and not because they're not paying attention because they're still a kid yeah, and it's. It is your job as a parent to listen sometimes, and just just listen, yeah, and not have to be like, oh well, you didn't do this in this situation or you didn't listen to my advice with it, like don't make it always about them being in trouble or like going against something you've said, like just listen to them yeah like give them a place to talk.
Speaker 1:It also like will help you in the future, for if they are in trouble, they'll feel like they can come to you. But I've just seen so many kids. They're like I'm like, well, have you, like we're guided them. Like, have you talked to your parents about this so that way we can open up that space for them at home? And a lot of the time, like I hear like oh, yeah, but like my mom's just going to be really mad, like if I tell her this, or like my dad doesn't care, like he thinks it's, like it's not a big deal. Or like if I tell my mom, she's gonna tell my dad and he's gonna get mad and then we're all gonna be in it.
Speaker 1:Like it's like a mess. They like want to avoid a mess. Yeah, when it's like this problem that you're telling me is not, yeah, it's not an end of the world problem, but it is a your world problem and your world, their world, should matter to you for sure. So, like I feel like that's something that I think, like I even want to be conscious of with the kids that I talk to, as I'm like this may not seem big to me, but it's so big to them and it's important that somebody just shows that they're willing to listen and to care about it too. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because that's what a lot of us need is, like some affirmation yeah, and somebody listening to us and hearing us and understanding us is a huge thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and also if you give that space to your kid, like they could probably give that space to you at some point, and they will come to you when they need to. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay. Well, that was anxiety and stress in the school environment. We didn't even cover half of it.
Speaker 1:I know I was like that was just the tip of the iceberg.
Speaker 2:I could feel myself getting irritated and I'm like I'm going to keep myself under control today.
Speaker 1:So Well, do you want to end on our high and low? Because we didn't even. Yeah, you're right, all right let's end on our. I like that. Okay, you want to go first, or do you want me to go first?
Speaker 2:So my high for this week.
Speaker 1:No start with your low, so you can end on my low.
Speaker 2:My low for the week is well, at this time, hopefully we won't have another tropical storm, but we just had a tropical storm. I feel like we probably will. We probably have plenty more tropical storms, but, um, we just had a tropical storm that was pretty massive.
Speaker 2:There's a lot into a hurricane it was, oh, did it oh yeah, category one there's a lot of flooding in my area, like just five minutes down the street, like massive flooding for us too, yeah, and so people have been without their power and they've been. You know, some people like lost their house, like it's been pretty massive and just the constant rain and dreary has really impacted my mood, like it's depressing. Yeah, it's depressing. So that's been my low and then my high is, despite that, um, I was, I was able to get everything done off my calendar and to-do list this week and I finished at 11 25 on a friday.
Speaker 1:I was like, yes, I know it was such a good feeling I haven't done that in so long, so it felt really good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. Yeah, I think my low would also consist of the tropical storm, just because and I did talk to Jake about this before saying this on the podcast but he was home on Monday. Hi, kobe, if you're watching on YouTube then you can see another puppy guest. Jake was home on Monday because of the tropical storm and I love having Jake home, but it throws my schedule off completely Because then, like I have to kind of coordinate with him of like when we're going to eat meals, or like if I'm like could you take Daisy out actually, like, or like if he's just lounging around, like I want to be lounging around, so it's just. It was just. It threw my, especially on a monday. Like I like to have my monday, the very routine, and like I'm gonna get into it. So, like starting my week like that was a little bit rough. Yeah, it wasn't my favorite thing. Um, my high was last night. I took myself on a date.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it was so nice this is uh, or this ends with us. Yeah, did you like it?
Speaker 1:yeah it was really really good okay yeah, I really liked it a lot. Um, it was, I honestly feel, like one of the best movies from a book that I've seen in a long time.
Speaker 1:Like I don't really feel like they left out anything important. I think the acting was actually really good, which I was a little bit surprised about because I was slightly concerned, um, but everybody in it was great and I like cried multiple times during it and and yeah, I don't know, there was just there. And there was one one scene that I was telling Jake about and this is kind of a spoiler alert, so if you don't want to know about this, then this is basically the end of the podcast, so just see you later. But in the book there is a scene where the main character, lily, gets hit by Ryle, the guy that she's with, like when he's taking something out of the oven, like he hits her. And in the book you're kind of confused, like was it an accident? Like you can't tell because this is the first offense of like when the abuse starts.
Speaker 1:And I remember in the book thinking like I have a feeling it wasn't an accident, but I but the author was portraying it as if, like, they were trying to convince us that it was an accident, because she was trying to convince that of herself. And in the movie one thing that they did was like they showed that scene, how lily portrayed it, which was like as an accident, like just how it was written in the book. And then towards the end, when, like one of the worst things happens and she's like flashing back to all the memories, it shows that he actually did hit her, like in an aggressive manner, and like it wasn't how like lily hoped that it was and that she was trying to convince herself that it was. And I thought that was such an interesting thing to add into the movie because I was like it like was clarifying validating to like you're like questioning in the book and I just thought that that was just such a good addition.
Speaker 1:but yeah, I thought it was really good, I really enjoyed it and I ate a lot of popcorn and had some gummy worms.
Speaker 2:Yay, that was nice. How fun. And.
Speaker 1:I had my glasses on while I was there so you could see Everything's so clear yeah.
Speaker 2:That's awesome, yeah, so it was good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's it All right.
Speaker 2:All right, see you next monday for mind your heart, yep bye.
