Mind Your Heart
Welcome to "Mind Your Heart," this cozy corner of the internet where Trina Deboree and Emily Reneé —your real-life Lorelei and Rory Gilmore duo—come together each week to chat about everything from mental health to the daily nuances of life. In each episode, we peel back the layers of topics like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders with warmth, understanding, and a touch of humor (because otherwise, this just sounds depressing)!
Trina, an educator turned entrepreneur and mental health advocate, joins forces with her daughter Emily, a mental health coach and anorexia survivor, to share their journeys and insights in a way that feels like a heart-to-heart with old friends. The goal? To spark conversations that truly matter and to create a space where laughter meets healing.
Let's navigate the ups and downs of mental health together, making each day brighter and each challenge a little lighter. Grab your emotional support water bottle, put in your headphones, and join us while we mind our hearts for chats that comfort and inspire.
Mind Your Heart
Rewriting Your Self-Worth Story
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Have you ever wondered how to navigate the complex world of body dysmorphia while maintaining your self-worth? Join us as we tackle this intricate issue on the Mind Your Heart Podcast. In this episode, Emily candidly shares her journey with body dysmorphia and the importance of coping mechanisms in the process of overcoming this. We discuss how not giving power to negative body image thoughts can lead to a healthier self-perception. Plus, we revisit impactful listener feedback that resonated deeply with the idea that clothes should fit us, not the other way around.
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Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your favorite corner of the internet where we chat about all things mental health. I'm Emily.
Speaker 2:And I'm Trina. Together, we're like your real-life Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. Each week, we'll bring you real conversations about the world of mental health and we will peel back layers on topics like anxiety, depression and much more.
Speaker 1:We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff, the everyday stuff and everything in between. So grab your emotional support water bottle I know we have ours. Find your comfiest chair or keep your eyes on the road and let's get into it. Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Join us as we mind our hearts and hopefully make minding yours a little easier.
Speaker 1:Welcome back. Welcome back. All right, and welcome back to Kobe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, welcome back Kobe. This is Trina and Emily and. Kobe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you're watching on YouTube, then it's another furry friend, another family pup.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's my baby, my sweet boy. All right, today we're going to answer some questions from the audience. Take two we recorded this and then it failed, and now we're recording again, but this time we're going to answer two different questions and maybe we will answer the other two questions in the future or maybe we won't. But the thing about those other two questions are that they came from family members, so it's not necessary that we answer them again but maybe we will in the future.
Speaker 2:All right, but these actually came from you guys. Yeah, and if you are interested in asking questions, then make sure to do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, ask on Instagram MindYourHeartPod. If you follow us even on TikTok or YouTube, you can ask questions there. Also, if you want a more in-depth question answered and have some coaching around that, we have a link in the description that you can click and fill out a form just with the information about your question. We'll answer that too yeah, all right.
Speaker 2:So we hope that you, we hope that you will send us questions, all right. So today one of the questions is and this is this is I'm thinking more toward, like, towards you? You said I think so. So how did you like we've talked about the body image. Now I don't know if that, if that was in our question video where we kind of did a little bit of discussion around that. So oh well, um, we'll just jump in anyway I feel like it might have been too, so we've've had some questions.
Speaker 1:Such a bummer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've had some questions and some feedback on the body image episode we did, which is episode eight. No Mm-mm Episode, I don't know I don't know.
Speaker 1:Episode titled something about shattering. Yeah, yeah, body image.
Speaker 2:So we had some good feedback. We had people that were talking about how it really resonated with them. People that said things about how the clothes fit no, how we don't.
Speaker 1:We're not meant to fit into clothes.
Speaker 2:Clothes are meant to fit us yeah, and that was really powerful for them. They're going through menopause and or post-menopausal and they're like not happy with what their body's doing. Your body, your body, does some weird things in different hormonal states, as we've discussed. And then I also talked about how I was so fascinated, I guess, or surprised, shocked, mortified by my thought of thinking that once we got to a certain age, our body wasn't doing what it intended. Is what I said, and I'm like that's not how I feel.
Speaker 2:So I just thought it was interesting to have some of those deep rooted biases like come up, because I don't feel that way. I definitely feel like a woman has a choice to do whatever she wants to do and whether she has a family or not. I have no judgment whatsoever. I know it was really important for me, I know it's not for everyone and I don't think that means that someone's not relevant. I think everyone is relevant and that isn't what you know, what our design. But I think that comes back from like primal times when you know that was kind of that was the thought, that was the thought. So it was just an interesting aha moment for me, anyway. So we wanted to answer one of those questions that somebody asked. They asked a further question, which was how did you overcome body dysmorphia?
Speaker 1:So I feel like this is a very layered question, because I don't necessarily feel like I would consider myself just overcome Like, but like I don't feel like I'm just like totally past that. I think that what I would say is that I've learned how to not pay attention to it as much and not give it as much like value as I did before, because I still like look in the mirror sometimes and I'm like, oh my God, like I feel one way or another about myself. That's just. I mean like that's pretty human, but also like as somebody who has experienced those things like it's normal.
Speaker 1:But instead of feeling that way and then dwelling on it and then not eating and like making choices that aren't good for me, like instead I'm like, ok, I feel this way and like that's normal, but I don't. That doesn't mean I'm unworthy, doesn't mean that I'm not beautiful, it doesn't mean that I'm not loved. Like it doesn't have anything to do with, like my value, to do with, like my value and um, and then like once I like kind of start, like thought stopping that and then like flipping it to like what I am, it it's more like okay, like well, that that thought about if my body is this way or another, like it doesn't matter, like Like it's not, it's not relevant, doesn't define you. Yeah, so I would say like it's not necessarily. Like that I've overcome body dysmorphia. It's just that I've been able to learn how to healthily cope with it, versus the unhealthy coping mechanisms that I was doing beforehand.
Speaker 2:Okay, and you know, and I say this is directed towards you and I don't know why I would say that Because I definitely feel like this is something that I have experienced myself, yeah, when, like, I'll look at myself and and feel shame or judgment towards myself, with my body as it's changed through life, like through pregnancy, post-pregnancy, through menopause, through life and have reacted in ways of like not eating or excessive exercise or taken like weight loss aids or something like that.
Speaker 2:So I can't really say that, that that is like a normal or typical or like response, like I don't think that's necessarily the answer, not at all the answer. And then even even at times when I looked ill to other people, I thought I looked great. So I don't think that's healthy. So I know I guess that's one of the reasons why I have to kind of attach a weight to it, because I don't know if, just by looking or how I feel in my clothes, if I'm on the right track. So I don't think I have to hold myself to. I mean, I definitely feel like I'm working towards like accepting myself and loving myself, no matter what, and that I don't too don't want to be defined by weight or how, my, how I feel that I look, um, but it's definitely a growing like, it's a growing um or it's a. It's a thing to work through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's definitely like it's a journey and I also feel like with any type of mental health or mindset work or just work that you do on yourself, it's not just like it started down and then started raising up and then you're just good to go. I feel like it's just always going to kind of ebb and flow and like you'll figure things out in different parts of life because, like when I was really in the peak of body dysmorphia, I didn't know that I was in it. And I also think, like when you're able to recognize that that's something that you do, like that you have is like seeing your body in a way that it's not like actually then recognizing that that's the case and being able to pause and kind of notice other things and like recognize other things and give yourself affirmation that that you are good the way you are. It is is more of like a. It's a step in the direction of being able to to see a little more clearly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I also think I mentioned on the um on an episode I don't know if that episode will have come out, actually, I think it's next week, comes out next week, um that I was watching this crazy show, you know, naked attraction, which we explain more next week. We won't explain it, but basically the people are naked, like completely naked, and one of the things that I find like helpful about the show is that it makes me less critical of myself, because when I'm seeing these strangers, I don't feel judgment. I'm not like, oh, her thighs or her stomach or her boobs aren't symmetrical, any of that. Yeah, I don't feel any of that.
Speaker 2:I'm like, wow, this brave person is putting herself out there and, um, yeah, yeah, so I don't feel I think that's interesting and like they all are beautiful in just different ways. Yeah, and so I'm like this is just the body and I just don't feel critical of it. Um, but I like looking at myself in the mirror like naked. Um, I like feel critical like.
Speaker 2:I notice every little thing, and then I've also realized through the years that, like I, you know, when I was in high school, the thing that I was the most conscious about, self-conscious about, was like my legs, like my thighs. And then, when I get older and see pictures of myself, I'm like what are you talking about? And so it's so interesting how our mind plays, like it feels like tricks on you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and one of the this one person that I follow who like, does like on you. Yeah, and one of the this one person that I follow who like, does like, like poems, like. She writes poems and then like speaks them on instagram. She was like I can't, when one of the poems, something that she said was like.
Speaker 1:I can't remember the last time that, like, I attached a memory to like how somebody else looked, like, like I didn't go to the beach, and then say like, and then think back on that memory at the beach and think, oh, that woman with the bikini like had a big butt or this, and that I remembered the water on my skin and the sun in my eyes and like playing with my friends, like, and so it's like, if like it's, it's just proving like how unimportant it is that we like, look a certain way Because, also, like, other people aren't remembering how like you look in their memories as like a pivotal part, and you're also not, yeah, really remembering that. You're remembering how you feel and like what you did, so it's just like to not give it as much power yeah, I like that, I like, I like that, not giving it as much power.
Speaker 2:You created these new daily affirmations for me at by this point, when this comes out, I'll have been doing them regularly. Um, currently I can't say that but um, I like just sent them to you, like yesterday you just sent them to me, but I was reading over them actually today and I was thinking like these are so helpful, like these are, these are going to be so like loving yourself, like I am perfectly or imperfect or something yeah, I'm perfectly imperfect.
Speaker 2:yeah, I'm perfectly imperfect, yeah, I'm perfectly imperfect and I'm okay with that. And I'm okay with that, like I like that. Yeah. And then, and like some of the other affirmations that I've done that have not been body specific, have been like I was told that I was cold and dead inside, and to repeat that in a positive, like I am warm and alive inside and out, and um, and that people, someone has said that my brain doesn't work, and it's like my brain, my brain works, um, or I'm not able to remember things.
Speaker 2:I'm able to remember things with time, like I have those all memorized because I've said them so many times and every time I start to slip into I don't have a good memory.
Speaker 1:I immediately am like I remember things with time, and it I mean even though I did excessively get excited for myself with my memory during our game of the Gilmore Girls, which I mean I was impressed because, again, like I wouldn't have remembered that stuff myself, especially Cletus the horse, I'm like I think I probably would have just said horse and then you would have said Cletus and I would have been like Cletus.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I remember, I remember that, but anyway, like the instant I said that, like I was like nope, I remember things with time and it just changes the way that you think about yourself when you're practicing things like daily affirmations every day, and so I think the practice that we have done in the past was to say all the negative things about yourself to list the things out, other things that people have said to you or that you have believed about yourself.
Speaker 2:I'm not worthy things like that, excuse me and then rewriting them in a positive way. I am worthy, I am light, I am perfectly and wonderfully made. Writing it in a positive and then repeating it in the morning and at night every single day, for even past like a week, because you want to do it at least seven times, but more than that is even better, and it really it does change something, it switches something in your brain.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Especially if you and it took me it took me more than a week to especially the one where I'm warm and alive inside and out, because I have heard the cold and dead inside, like like I've heard it too many times so it's hurtful. Yeah, it's like it's hurtful, but then saying that I, that's the one that I get to, because you're saying it to yourself in the mirror, that's the one I get to and I'm like I'm warm and alive inside and out like haha, to to the mirror and then my, my brain works Like that is another one that I'm like.
Speaker 2:Don't tell me my brain doesn't work, my brain works, and so it just I don't know. I just think it shifts something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's one of the first things that I do like with my coaching clients is like we work on like affirmations because it's so much more impactful than like we think it is, because, like I think it's a commonly talked about thing, we're like oh yeah, I gotta do my affirmations, blah, blah, blah. But and even when I was in counseling, like with an actual counselor, she like wanted me to do like mirror work and stuff and I was like yeah, like I didn't want to do it silly, but it's not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's, it's so much deeper, yeah, and also I think the thing that I missed with her and doing that was acknowledging how I felt already. Yeah was like what are the negatives? Let's turn them around.
Speaker 2:Let's turn them around so I think that's a big part of it. I think that's very helpful. Yeah, um, yeah, you just said something and I wanted to say something to it and I just lost it, but I'll remember it with time. These new affirmations oh, that's what it was. These new affirmations are very helpful and I'm excited to do them. And then the other thing is is that you think you kind of maybe you judge yourself, like myself, where you're like oh, this is, you know, this is kind of woo, woo or out there or whatever. But I was like so it's a daily practice for me, not just doing the ones in the mirror, but I also have the I Am app and so I it sets a goal for you, like you have to do 20 a day, which I think is a lot.
Speaker 2:Oh, mine doesn't do that. Okay, mine's been doing that and so. But I, it's fine, I do it every day because I want the little whoops, the little positive reinforcement. So I but I sit with, like I have this planner that I use as like a journal and I write down the ones that really resonate with me. So I record the ones that resonate with me and then I choose one of the ones that I recorded and put it in a line a day, a line a day journal that my friend gave me for Christmas. Yeah, it's a very it's like you write one line every day for like the whole year and it's like a four or five years. Yeah, it's like it's got like five different, you know.
Speaker 2:So it's like 2024, 26, 27, 28 um yeah, so I'll have all these lines to myself of the day of like a positive affirmation so it's been. And so I was doing it the other day and jackson came down and he's like what are you doing?
Speaker 2:because I'm like it's part of my morning like I just had my coffee slash tea and, um, I'm sitting on the couch with the tv off like writing, yeah, and he and he's like, and I'm like I don't want to tell him, he's gonna think it's dumb. You know, he's a 20 year old man and he's like I, I'm like I'm doing my affirmations, and he's like, oh, he's like what's? He's like what's that? I'm like like positive things to say about myself, that's cool, yeah. And then he just walks upstairs and I was like, all right, that is cool. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It is cool. So I thought that was yeah, yeah, all right. Let's answer another question. Okay, all right. So this is a hard one too. How have you let go of your trauma and have you fully let go, or is?
Speaker 1:it a process in motion. Um, I feel oh, I don't know. This one feels layered to me too, because I think that I think that there are things where I feel like healed, but I also think that there are things that, and so I guess like, okay, so when I say like I feel healed from certain things, what? What I mean with that is that, like I feel content and neutral, like in my day-to-day, like it's not something that actively is affecting me every single day, but I think at least for me, what I think with healing, there are going to be times where, like, those things come up and like they are, they still may be upsetting, but they don't totally like wreck your whole day or yeah, week, they don't derail you completely.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, um, so that's how I view like healing and I like I feel like I do feel very like content with like where I'm at with things like and like specifically like with the relationship with my dad. Like I like we have a no contact relationship and like that's something that I don't think that I'll ever be like a woohoo, like I'm so glad about that, um. But I also know that I'm doing like what's healthiest for me. I know I'm doing what's safest for me. Like I have like forgiven him for the things that like he has done that have hurt me and I also I also have like talked through them with professionals and like I've done like work on them. So like in my day-to-day I'm not like upset and struggling.
Speaker 1:But I do think, like, like on father's day, like that's not an easy day for me, like that feels a little difficult. Or like when I watch a movie and like there, like like on father's day, like that's not an easy day for me, like that feels a little difficult. Or like when I watch a movie and like there's like the father daughter dance in a wedding, like I'm like, oh, that's that sucks, like I'm not like distraught and torn apart and can't function for the rest of the day, but it's definitely difficult. So I feel like can. Let me see this question again. Um, so, how have I let go of my trauma?
Speaker 2:I would say um, does it say how, yeah, how have you let go of your trauma?
Speaker 1:have you fully let go or is a process in motion?
Speaker 1:I think the how would be just like a lot of work. Yeah, I think it's a lot of work and I also think, um and for my case specifically, with it being more about like a person, um, uh, like forgiveness was like a huge part of it because, like, if you're holding on to an experience that is connected to such a negative emotion, like you're never gonna be able to move on. You're never gonna be able to heal what's broken in you, because holding on to anger or resentment or sadness of someone else does not affect them as much as it affects you and sometimes doesn't even affect them at all. So I I think that that was like my biggest how, but that took a lot of steps. That took years and years of counseling. It took medication to stabilize like where I was with my depression. It took me having crazy experience and breath work when I was in Bali, like I don't feel like this is just like a I've been like this for so long like this feels like a newer mindset for me it's a process in motion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I think it always is that person that asked this question. They kind of answered it for themselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah I think it's always a process like it's just, I feel like with anything, like it's something that will will ebb and flow and, like you, you just get to a point where you feel like you're content, yeah, with how it's doing that and you feel safe with yourself when it doesn't feel as easy yeah, yeah, and then you have a support system. So yeah, and you have resources and tools and tools.
Speaker 2:Um I, I feel the same same way, feel similar. Um I yeah, I don't think you totally like put it down, yeah, um I mean because I think yeah I think it comes back around can can?
Speaker 2:things can trigger it that you don't even realize that that's where the root is. Um, I mean, I've been to counseling for years and years and years and I mean I, I, yeah, she like let me go, like not fired me, but like you graduated, but there were still tools that I need to look back on every so often. So that's where mindset coaches have been so helpful, and also daily affirmations and journaling and chakra work and yoga and working out and all the things that that's how for me, and the support system and the medication and it's a combination. It's a combination of all those things and time.
Speaker 2:Like time and forgiveness is for sure, like I definitely feel that was the hardest one for me. Yeah, that was hard, it for me. Yeah, that was hard, it was hard. Yeah, with me, with my dad. It took I mean him dying before.
Speaker 2:I was like I'm ready to let the go of this and I'm ready to forgive you and offering the forgiveness, at first for him, and then realizing that it was not necessarily a gift for him. It was a gift for myself. It felt like a weight that I'd been carrying around for 40 years was lifted off of my back and it felt so good. And then with your dad. Good, and then with your dad. It was just not doing me any good to be angry, to stay angry and stay bitter and resentful.
Speaker 2:So I don't feel that way at all. I feel like I have forgiven him, I want him to be happy and I genuinely I'm like I do feel that way. It definitely still comes up every so often for me, Like he just recently got engaged and for some reason that like brought stuff up, because it's like when something is like contradictory to what you thought, sometimes it's hard to let go of that Like the ideal, even with you saying that's hard to let go of that like the ideal. Um, even with you saying that about the father-daughter dance, like the idea of, yeah, it's um, the idea of that, and then it's like letting go of that idea and then kind of being reminded by people like you.
Speaker 2:Um, I'm because I have said like my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would and and you're like well, your life, it turned out great and you have a lot of what you want and and like reframing it and look at it, looking at like that. That takes like help though sometimes, yeah, and patience. I mean I've definitely lost people along the way with my um, with my like cause. Sometimes my depression looks like anger. So sometimes along the way, the anger or frustration or like depths of whatever can be a lot.
Speaker 1:And also, like relationships of any kind come with different seasons sometimes, like sometimes it just was what you were supposed to have for that period of time and then not yeah, that's true, that's true, and that's hard, that's hard.
Speaker 2:We've talked about that before. Yeah, I think that's hard. Um, but I definitely think it's a um, it's in, it's always always kind of in in the process. Yeah, you're in the process of, and I do think it gets. I think it gets easier, but I think it gets easier because of all the things I just said, although, yeah, it was listed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think it's also important to remember that, like when you're so, like when you're at the point where you feel quote unquote healed, whatever that looks like for you, the triggers are still going to be there, they'll still come up, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. That is your brain and your body trying to protect you from hurt that has happened in the past. That's trauma that we endure is like is something that is a full experience for your body. So like when it comes with a trigger, like a trigger is like a hey, like you need to go survive, like we're trying to protect you. Like your body all the time is sole responsibility is to keep you alive. So like when it feels like it's in danger, it's trying to get you out of that.
Speaker 1:So when you have a trigger that comes up, you it's just your body being like hey, we're kind of checking in, like we're a little bit nervous, and then you get to be like, okay, well, I've, I have learned how to communicate with myself. To be like okay, okay, this is a trigger. I understand that I could be upset. I think I'm going to take some breaths and keep going.
Speaker 1:So I think it's important to not like get almost like set back, like when you do get triggered, when you feel like you've gotten past that or whatever, like your body is just always trying to protect you and like sometimes it doesn't feel like that because it acts in a way that we don't want it to, but um the response feels exaggerated.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but that's when you need to stop and think there's something that must be more to this yeah, like why am I actually triggered?
Speaker 1:like what am I actually feeling like? And that's something that Jake and I like we talk about that often like when things happen where we get into an argument, um, and I'm upset, he's like what are you like feeling like? Why are you upset? And most of the time it's not because, like he didn't cook dinner, like it's because I feel like I didn't feel heard or like I didn't feel taken care of or whatever it is. So, yeah, just like noticing those things and like giving yourself more grace also comes with time, for sure.
Speaker 2:For sure, yeah, all right. Well, we answered some more questions. Yeah, um, and if you have more, let us know.
Speaker 1:yeah, click the link in the description or keep an eye out on our instagram stories. And yeah, other than that we did our highs and lows right, did we? I don't know, maybe not. I kind of feel like we didn't, so did we do them? Can you please let us know?
Speaker 2:that's all right, all right we'll skip it for this week. Okay, see you next week. Bye.
