Mind Your Heart
Welcome to "Mind Your Heart," this cozy corner of the internet where Trina Deboree and Emily Reneé —your real-life Lorelei and Rory Gilmore duo—come together each week to chat about everything from mental health to the daily nuances of life. In each episode, we peel back the layers of topics like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders with warmth, understanding, and a touch of humor (because otherwise, this just sounds depressing)!
Trina, an educator turned entrepreneur and mental health advocate, joins forces with her daughter Emily, a mental health coach and anorexia survivor, to share their journeys and insights in a way that feels like a heart-to-heart with old friends. The goal? To spark conversations that truly matter and to create a space where laughter meets healing.
Let's navigate the ups and downs of mental health together, making each day brighter and each challenge a little lighter. Grab your emotional support water bottle, put in your headphones, and join us while we mind our hearts for chats that comfort and inspire.
Mind Your Heart
MYH: 12 Serious School Safety Concerns
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Why is it that the U.S. continues to grapple with school shootings while other countries seem to have it under control? Join us on this emotional rollercoaster of an episode as we kick things off with some lighter fare—Emily's new obsession with "The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast" and Trina's audible disappointment over the hiatus of "Life is Short with Justin Long." We also share some touching moments from the Golden Bachelor, particularly Joan's heart-wrenching decision to leave the show for her daughter, proving once again that family always comes first.
From there, we shift our focus to the somber and alarming topic of school shootings. With 50 incidents already this year, we examine the controversial proposal to arm teachers and discuss alternative solutions like tying gun ownership to social security numbers. Our conversation underscores the critical need for better mental health resources for children and the importance of responsible gun ownership. We draw inspiration from the Army's firearm safety practices, stressing the urgency of implementing similar measures to protect our schools.
As we move forward, we reflect on the systemic issues plaguing our educational system and the rising trend of homeschooling. Sharing personal stories of fear during school lockdowns, we highlight the psychological toll on students and the varied responses from teachers. To round off the episode, we emphasize the power of parental love and small acts of kindness in fostering a positive environment for our children. We leave you with a heartfelt reminder to take care of yourselves—sometimes, a simple walk outside can work wonders for your well-being.
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Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your favorite corner of the internet where we chat about all things mental health.
Speaker 2:I'm Emily and I'm Trina. Together, we're like your real-life Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. Each week, we'll bring you real conversations about the world of mental health and we will peel back layers on topics like anxiety, depression and much more.
Speaker 1:We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff, the everyday stuff and everything in between. So grab your emotional support water bottle I know we have ours. Find your comfiest chair or keep your eyes on the road and let's get into it. Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Join us as we mind our hearts and hopefully make minding yours a little easier.
Speaker 1:Hi, welcome back to the Mind your Heart podcast. Welcome back, happy Monday, happy Monday.
Speaker 2:September 30th. All right, yes, monday September 30th. Yeah, I'm Trina, I'm Emily and we're excited to Mind your Heart, actually, this is a hard episode.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so a little bit of a trigger warning. Well, not a little bit a trigger warning, um, if like gun violence and, um, I guess, like deaths, school shootings, that's what we're talking about school shootings. So if that, um, it's not something that you feel that you have the capacity to listen to, um, then go ahead and skip this episode um yeah, but first we'll start out. Yeah, light, yeah, just we'll start out light.
Speaker 2:Um, we'll talk about. I don't necessarily know if we have to talk about highs and lows but. I I think we can talk about just what's going on. So we're discussing podcasts currently, and podcasts that we like, and Emily was telling me about a new podcast that she listens to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, it's because I have a newfound obsession with Andy Samberg. I think he's just so funny and I recently started watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine and that was when I was like I love Andy Sandberg and then I just started watching all the things, like all the digital shorts he's in and SNL and like Hot Rod, which is like the stupidest movie ever, but like he's funny. So, um, but like he. The podcast that I'm listening to is called the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast. The podcast that I'm listening to is called the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast. So it's like the guys from the Lonely Island, from SNL, and they're just discussing like digital shorts that they did in SNL. And I think it's funny because Andy Samberg like hates being on a podcast, like he like does not want to do a podcast, like they're all like you, you like shut up and just like be here like yeah and he's like it's just stupid, like let's just we just need to go outside.
Speaker 1:And, um, the other guys are like you, you don't even go outside. Like what are you talking about? And he's like, well, I think it's just whatever. And then seth myers has his own podcast. Um, that is like guest based. Yeah, um, and seth and andy are like really good friends and that's like, well, andy, like I haven't asked you to be on my podcast and. And he's like because you're being polite. And seth is like, no, because I'm just trying to be a bro, like I'm trying not to force you to do another one that you don't want to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's funny, but it's funny, yeah. And I was complaining because I'm a shorty, life is short with Justin Long, yeah, justin, and Christian Long, and I don't know where they are. They've like just disappeared, they didn't even say goodbye and it's been repeat after repeat, after repeat and I'm like where are they? And so they have life is short and then life is shorter and I'm like, I'm very upset, I really I don't know where they are. I think I posted on their instagram thing. No one responded, and other people have said it too. So I don't know what's going. I don't know what's happening. Yep, so anyway. So that's, that's one thing that's going on.
Speaker 2:And then another favorite podcast of mine, smart list. They moved to what is it, sir? Is it serious, serious, serious exam. Yeah, they moved from wondery and I was like, all right, so lots of shaken up happenings in podcast world. But I have to say, because what is this? September 30th? Yeah, we're recording this. September 21st, I think it is. Um, yeah, we're a little behind schedule. So, september 21st, and I started watching the golden bachelorette and, oh, it's so good, like it's so much better than the regular bachelor and bachelorette, because these people are like, you know, nobody cares about their instagram following at the age of 65 and then um so it's like you never know well, yeah, but they just seem.
Speaker 2:I mean there might be a few, but they just seem, so I don't know. Like they've lived life's experiences I had. I cried in the first episode like six times. They were multiple times and that's a very specific count of times.
Speaker 1:It was a lot of times.
Speaker 2:I was like what's happening? It was just all these like sweet stories and these guys that are not afraid to be vulnerable because you know they're older and they just can cry easier, and it's just kind of refreshing. Yeah, and then, um, joan, like you're rooting for her because she's um, you know, she was on the golden bachelor and she was like a fan favorite and then she decided to leave because her daughter had a baby and was having some postpartum and you're like, well, she's a great person because she's, you know, family first, yeah and um, and now you're just, you just, and she was like she had a great love and then so it's you. You're like, oh, joan, you know it's, I don't know it's just it's. I really am enjoying it. So hopefully I feel this way when this podcast comes out, because it was a good start.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when this podcast comes out when ours comes out. Oh, about the Bachelorette? Yeah, about the Bachelorette. I thought you were saying that about our podcast.
Speaker 2:I was like you don't already like this podcast, I'm confused.
Speaker 1:I listen to our podcast. It's you that doesn't listen to our podcast. Okay, well, I listen to it live.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, that doesn't count. What, yeah? Why does that count? It doesn't. You have to, you have to reflect. I have discussed this with people and they say that listening to it live does count, it doesn't count, though, because you don't know how you sound in the microphone, you don't know what you're doing on the camera I don't want to know, all right. Well then, you don't want to grow, I guess. Apparently you just want to stay in one box uh which does not sound like you.
Speaker 1:So yeah, don't you're silly. No, that's not true. I just don't want to listen to myself. I don't like listening to myself talk that's sad, though why, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Anyway, I think you should check it out. I'm not going to all right.
Speaker 1:Well, we want you to continue to check it out even though emily's stubborn as a mule okay, and I get it from you I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, so that's what's happening. So now we can move into some more serious things. Yeah, and yeah, this is an upsetting topic for me, like I'm really sick of this happening in our country. I think it's very upsetting. As of September 19th 2024, there's been 50 school shootings. That's outrageous. We just had one that was more recent in Georgia and where people, several people, were killed, and this was a 14-year-old who had an assault rifle and also was questioned the year prior to this over some tips about school shootings. He and his father.
Speaker 2:And I just feel like, what are we doing in this situation? Like this is outrageous that this is happening and that teachers don't want, and that's one thing. Like, some people's solution to this problem is to arm teachers, which I think is absolutely asinine. I can't even imagine walking around my classroom with seven-year-olds with a gun. That sounds completely outrageous to me and it doesn't feel like a solution. So I think there's like a variety of problems here, um, one of which I don't think 14 year olds should have any access to an assault rifle. That's part of it. I don't even think assault rifle. Why do we even need assault rifles in the first place and then.
Speaker 2:So I have an issue with that and I do have an issue and people are like you know, don't take my guns.
Speaker 2:I have my right to my guns and I understand that that is your right and that I may or may not disagree with people having guns, but what I do understand is that we also have a right to our kids being safe at school, and so those rights of a gun bearer is superseding the rights of children and I'm like you have violated rights and other laws that have happened, and so I just feel this is my solution and this is not taking guns away from people. This is allowing people to keep their guns, but this is a solution. I heard this a woman, she's a veteran, and she posted on a place on Instagram and this was a thing that she said and I thought this makes perfect sense, and she said that she thought that in the Army, she was in the Army and that the Army does a really good job of this. She's like the Army prioritizes the soldiers, the lives of the soldiers. That comes first over the weapons. Hello, that sounds like a great solution yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, great solution. And that every soldier, when they are given a gun, the gun is associated with their social security number, so it is tied to their social security number. As long as they have the gun, it's tied to them. They also have to have the proper training that makes sense, and they also are held responsible and liable for the control of their weapon. So their weapon must be secured. So if somehow someone else gets a hold of their weapon and murders someone, they too are held responsible because they did not secure their weapon.
Speaker 2:I think this would eliminate so many problems. If this was the case, if people had to have their guns tied to their social security number, they could still have their guns. But it's their responsibility to make sure that somebody doesn't break in and take their weapon and kill someone. So it is their responsibility, and if you feel like you must have a gun, then that's what you are agreeing to. So that's what I think. I think we should follow that, because then people would get what they needed. They would be able to keep their guns if they, you know, wanted to keep their gun, and then they would also be held responsible if somebody is murdered because of their gun.
Speaker 2:So that's one of the things that I think is a solution, and I will let you talk, because I'm like kind of enraged. Oh, I feel enraged, yeah, because our children are going to school and being murdered and our teachers teachers did not sign up to be to be law enforcement, they did not sign up to be. They're not in the military, they're not in combat and also, when people are in combat, they get paid a lot more money, and that's another thing. Like you want teachers to carry weapons, then you better be paying them a completely different amount than you're paying them. And I'm sorry, one person, one guarded person in the school, and let me just tell you the impact that that is having on the mental health of our children.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was going to say that that's not helpful.
Speaker 2:No, these active shooter drills have scarred kids for life. That's the normal part of our children's lives. That, to me, is insane. I thought it was bad enough having hurricane drills because it was scary and kids would cry.
Speaker 1:I remember crying with tornado drills.
Speaker 2:Yes, and we don't even really get tornadoes in here.
Speaker 1:yeah and I was. I remember vividly how scared I was when I was in third grade. I literally sobbed on the floor because it's upsetting and scary.
Speaker 2:And now we're in a room in a, in a triangular area where people can't see in the windows or whatever, pretending there's an active shooter outside. That that's terrifying for kids. Yeah, yeah, it's, it's so and that has become our normal part of our lives. I just I don't know how we got to this point and the amount that has. It's just increased since COVID and it's just a really. It's really.
Speaker 2:There was three children in my school district arrested just this week for threatening, for making threats. Now they're going to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law because they have to take this so seriously. This is an 11-year-old, an 11-year-old. Nobody knows what they're doing when they're 11. But also what in the world. It's upsetting. Also. I feel like another solution is we have to pay attention to what's going on with these kids. They're and they act like you know, some like in this particular case, this boy, you know, had been tracked already by the FBI, but nothing could happen, and that's the thing is that school's hands are so tied and they don't have the resources for this. We had a student in my school when I was a student support specialist and I mean he was blowing up lizards and he was doing things that were very scary and I remember saying to the principal like this could be a potential problem in the future. He's got some warning signs that are really frightening. Is this the kid that brought needles to school?
Speaker 2:that was a totally different kid but yeah, but there's like yeah, that was yeah, that the kid that brought needles was like diabetic, so he but he like left a bunch of needles he was. He did not handle them wisely. He was also seven okay so he didn't handle them wisely.
Speaker 1:All I remember was being very afraid of needles, yeah, but he did not.
Speaker 2:He did not handle that well and I actually was not there. I had a substitute um, but he didn't handle that well, but he was seven years old and he was diabetic, so he actually had a reason.
Speaker 2:he didn't just bring needles um, but the student that, the person I'm thinking of and this is a combination of students, so it's not any one student, it's just a variety of different things that have happened and there was only so much you could do, like you know you kept documents, you, you know you tried interventions, you did all these things, but there's like only so much that you can do as a school. And so what do you do in these situations? I mean, this person needed help, and when the family is not on board, you know, it's very difficult to get help when, especially when the family is not on board and the family wasn't on board. And I also think, like sometimes, these parents, they need to be held accountable as well. Yeah, like, like it's partly I mean it's partly up to you as well. If you, if somebody calls me about my child threatening to shoot another person, like that would be something that I would take very seriously.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just I, even I don't know that I would let my child go back to school.
Speaker 2:I don't think so either. Also, I would think that was a huge cry for help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Like I would be, like you need to be immediately in some you need to have some testing with psychiatry and all that kind of psychology.
Speaker 2:We need to figure out what's going on, because this is a very this is a serious situation and very scary, and I don't know. I don't know what, I don't know what the answer is when it comes to that, but what I do know and I think there's a lot to it.
Speaker 2:I also think that schools don't feel necessarily like safe places for kids. Besides this situation, I feel like it doesn't feel safe for some kids just in general, and so these are things that have all played into this. I don't think it's just out of nowhere. We have people acting violent.
Speaker 2:I don't think that's happening out of nowhere. I mean some people blame it on social media. I think there might be some merit to that. I think things have become like really common to see, like we've become kind of numb to such extreme violence and I think that's really upsetting, and also like people having their whole lives on video is can also be like another thing that's causing up, you know, upsetting situations, but it's just like we have to do something, like something. We, we have to take this as like how many more times do we need this to happen? Yeah, I just feel like I, I don't know, it just is. It just feels so unbelievable to me and I can go both ways, like I, my friend who was in the school a school, or she's not working there but her child was in the school where one of the students was arrested this past week.
Speaker 2:She was like they need to have the full six and she was ranting and raving and I and I was like I, I agree with you, we have to take it seriously. But on the other hand, I'm like what does an 11 year old know? Like how much does an 11? I know that they understand not to kill like I do. Under I mean my sevenold's understood not to kill.
Speaker 2:But also I'm like their mind is not fully developed.
Speaker 1:Their mind is not yeah, and like their responsibility is not solely on the child because they are not classified as an adult yeah, like they're classified as somebody who is not developed all the way yet. And like the person that is responsible for the well-being and safety of their development is the parent yeah, so I think that the parent needs to be held responsible.
Speaker 2:Um, I I think that they need to pay a pardon. I want to share some statistics because it's really, it's, it's very it's, it's unbelievable, it's an unbelievable thing. So we then the thing that I think is another, like shocking, like the fact that it keeps getting worse, like that it's growing, like it's gotten, it's, you know, gone up from since since 2021, and then 22 and 23, and all setting records since at least 2008. They're like there was 83 or 82 instance incidents in 2023. And then one of the deadliest was in 2022. It's just it. It's just unbelievable. And then the thing that I think is interesting is that it is almost every state, but there are, I think, five states Yep, but CNN is the place that I'm on currently but the states that have not had school shootings.
Speaker 2:I know one of them is Vermont and New Hampshire. Those are two of them, and then I can't find where the other ones are. I should know what this state is, but just looking at the map, I don't. Oh, here we go Montana and Wyoming. Montana, wyoming, new Hampshire, vermont and Rhode Island have had no school shootings in this period, since 2008. So that's interesting.
Speaker 1:I wonder why. What are they doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, what are they doing? I'm curious what their gun laws are in those states. I'm also curious their mental health. I want to know if they're doing anything different in their school system. Like are kids happier at school? Do they, you know, are? Like, what are the things that we can figure out in order to like replicate that maybe we don't have to look at what everybody's doing wrong, although the worst?
Speaker 1:yeah, I want to know what the worst the worst.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it doesn't say the worst states but there but there's definitely a correlation to the south, yep, the south and the mid-atlantic. So the south and the mid-atlantic have the most school shootings. But the um, which is interesting, like what is there again what? I would ask the same questions like what are, what are their gun policies, what are their mental health states, how much help is available? And um, and like what's going on in their schools.
Speaker 2:I know in schools in in florida, in the south, we've got a lot of like over-testing kids, where we have like increased the expectations on children when I was teaching first grade the content that they're teaching now they're teaching that in kindergarten they're teaching the content that I taught in first grade in kindergarten. So everything is. I mean we've got kids taking algebra in seventh grade, sixth and seventh grade. So we've got middle schoolers taking high school classes. We've got high schoolers taking college classes, we've got elementary school kids, you know, pushed into grades and one and two grade levels ahead of them. All of that pressure has to be part of the problem. All of this pressure, the lack of kids being able to play, the lack of kids being able to play, the lack of kids being able to have recess, the fact that we we've increased this pressure. All these factors are. I think these are all factors yeah I can't find.
Speaker 2:I can't find where um it says the states with the highest, but I think it's um. I think it's really upsetting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think the whole thing is like it's devastating, like to know. Also, the thing that I think is the part that frustrates me the most is that there are countries that this is not an issue. Yeah, where it doesn't happen at all, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I'm like this is like we're doing something wrong. This is like we're doing something wrong. Yeah, we're doing something wrong. So like I'm like if we know that there are countries where this is like a non-issue at all, like they don't have active shooter drills because they don't aren't concerned about that, excuse me, then like what are they doing that we're not? And also, I guess I just feel like this is an issue with so many different layers to it. Like there's it's not just like I think there are some people who are on the extreme end of both ends that are like don't take my guns. And then there are people like all guns should go away forever, like I just I don't necessarily think that, like looking at just the weapon is the only problem. Like we're not paying attention. No, I agree to the environment. I do agree with you.
Speaker 2:I don't think it's just about. That's why I thought the the um solution of having it tied to your social security number made sense because it wasn't taking the guns away from everyone, and you're right. And people say that that's the weapon that they, that there's still a person behind the weapon that's actually committing the crime and, although I do think, if we have, but at the same time like, like, if you don't have access you're gonna.
Speaker 2:You're gonna, you know. Let's say, you grab a different um weapon. A knife is not going to be able to kill multiple people at one time. Yeah um, because the child will be able to be overpowered. Yeah, so an adult can overpower that and whereas they can't necessarily overpower a gun. Yeah, so I think the um weapon does make a difference in that case and also an assault rifle? We're not even talking about, for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're talking about an assault rifle yeah, no, I I do think that they're like I I have a problem with. I'm not a fan of the freedom that we get with gun laws. Like, I don't know that I necessarily would say like, I would just be like abolish them all, but I do think that there needs to be much stricter gun laws. Um, but I think there's just a lot with all of this like it's just, it's like such a systemic issue from so many different angles. It's an issue from the aspect of like what is what is causing, yeah, people to feel the need to do this? Yeah, and what is where are? What is their home life like? What is their medical background look like? Are they being taken care of in that way? Because then I'm like.
Speaker 1:I also think like I'm like when you think about it as like a broken down into the person, like I'm like there are so many things like in our world specifically that are like just slowly, like killing us, yeah, like I'm like even like the food that we're eating, like the environment, the air that we're breathing, and I'm like to me. That's why I'm like, okay, well, I'm not shocked that it's more in the south, because I'm like this sounds crazy, but I'm like it's hot as hell. There's like people who are littering and doing all that more and more. It's more common down here than it is in northern states. So I'm like the actual physical environment is a cause of problem on one's mental health. Then their mental health is not taken care of or looked at as serious enough of a problem to like take preventative measures um.
Speaker 1:And then it's like also for families who are like, okay, well, like, we're gonna be preventative, we're gonna do our best to like be outside and eat healthy and care for our whatever. Then it's like, well, everything is so expensive, so access to quality mental health for kids who are where it's like, okay, well, this person has something psychologically that's different. They don't have the means to get testing for that child, they don't have the means to go to experts and be like what can I do to support them so that this doesn't go on the other end of really bad? And then it's like then we're being in schools where everyone's unhappy. There's not a single portion of the school that there's somebody that's just completely joyful. Teachers are unhappy, Students are unhappy, the custodians are unhappy, lunch people are unhappy, administration is unhappy, the school board is unhappy, like it's a chain of complete, like dissatisfaction, and so you take all of those things into account. It's a boiling pot. Yeah, yeah, it's a recipe for disaster absolutely.
Speaker 2:It's just a, it's just waiting to happen. Yeah, that makes perfect, that makes a lot of so. Also, when you think about how many instances we have of even very young children I have a friend specifically who has a um, a kindergartner or I don't know first grade, second grade or kindergarten, whatever young a young child who's?
Speaker 2:having difficulty in school, who's like throwing things and, you know, knocking down things and whatever, and doesn't, you know, gets mad. And this is a very sweet, well-adjusted boy, very smart, who, who is like, like he's showing some disruptive signs and and the school's response is disappointing, it's it. But also I feel like they, they don't have the tools, they don't know. We were never taught how to deal with this type of behavior and we're also not taking it for what it is, which is they're trying he's trying to tell us something, or she, he or she is trying to tell us something.
Speaker 1:You know, kids don't just have temper tantrums at those ages five and six years old, they're past, they're beyond that developmental part of the life, but when they're else is going something else is going on when they are, um, and actually the behavior has been noticed to be worse um, when there was a heavy amount of testing, and so it it's like hello it's yeah, and the way that I think about it overall too is I'm like, like a lot of the times, with these kinds of things, with school shootings, with the over-testing, with the just overall mental health crisis that we have, I'm like it's people are focusing.
Speaker 1:It's like this is how I can picture it it's like you're trying to build a, a bed, but you didn't get all the pieces, and the tool that you have does not work for any of the screws, and also the company that sold you the bed doesn't sell the bed anymore, and the pieces of the bed are actually not the right ones that go together. It's for different kinds of beds, and you didn't even order that bed. You ordered a different one, and then we're only trying to fix the wrench. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can't start with the wrench. You don't have the right bed. The company's not selling that anymore. You don't have the right pieces. The person putting it together, that's not even what they signed up for. Yeah, it's like. Oh, it's like broken, trying to fix broken.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you don't have the right tools, you don't even. Yeah, where do you, where do you start?
Speaker 1:yeah, it's like a cycle of mess. So it's like you're like in my head, like I was talking to jake about this, because we were talking about like the political standpoint of it and like what our presidential candidates have talked about with this, and I'm like it's so easy for them to get up there and say I'm gonna fix this or I'm gonna do this, when like really, if we're really being truly honest with ourselves, the only way that we're going to fix this is by completely starting over.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, we have such a broken system. The system is so broken in so many different ways it needs it needs a complete um, a complete redo, a complete yeah, a complete redo. It's like and that's the scary part, yeah, because it's like, but and we have some, we have have a lot of families like saying you know what we're done with this system.
Speaker 1:I'm going to homeschool the homeschool population has grown massively. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I remember when I had a child and my goodness, I don't know, you might have even been like around this age. Actually, I know exactly how old they were because my friend's daughter was in my class and she is now a sophomore in college, so it was when she was a second grader. So I had a child who came in to second grade and he had been homeschooled and I remember like this is so terrible. I felt judgmental. I was like like what do you mean you homeschooled did? Do you also do at-home dentistry? Dentistry, like I remember feeling like you don't have the tools. Like, of course, you which is so ridiculous of me to think because parents have. Like you know, we are the first teacher, like we are the primary person that has impact, you know, impact the child's learning, their security, their all the things. But you're.
Speaker 1:I would like to give you some credit there. You were in a scarcity system, so the idea of somebody like doing something and thinking that they could do it better than you was like felt like an insult in a way.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But continue, I get what you're saying You're right.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I do remember feeling judgmental, but I loved that kid. Like that kid was like a sponge, he loved to learn. Like teaching him was like one of my favorite. I absolutely. It was like anything I said and he was just like, yes, give me more. It was so unbelievable and I remember telling his mom his mom, I'm like he's so smart and he's so he did have holes, like there were gaps. He didn't like reading, so they didn't make him like, so he, he would struggle a little bit in that, but but I turned that around, yeah and so.
Speaker 2:But he and he was so good in math and science and things that he had liked and it was such an interesting year. I learned so much too and they loved me, he loved me, I loved them. Like it was a really good situation. But also I wasn't a traditional classroom. I had iPads. We had one-to-one iPads. I was using technology, like I was doing different kinds of things for kids to learn, and so he thrived in my classroom. She pulled him right back out of public school in third grade and I remember being like, oh man, and I think I talked to her about it because she's like you were what we, like, dreamed of you were the exception to the rule.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is what we hoped for him. But then she's like but it wasn't like that and I I remember being really sad about that, yeah, um, but so families are taking it into their own hands and some parents are like overwhelmed with that, like what are they gonna? I mean, honestly, I would have been over, like teaching jackson was so difficult, like at something I was really good at which was teaching reading, and and he was like what are you doing? And so it was not fun to teach my own child, so. So there's like some struggles with that as well, but it's understandable that parents are feeling like this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I wouldn't want to send you either one of you. Actually, your experience was another factor in me being upset with the system. Yeah, was watching what happened to both of you, because when you have experienced that from a parent perspective seeing your child or children having a hard time in a system and not being celebrated for who they are and being labeled or being like any of the things that have gone wrong, bullying, all those things you get angry at the system.
Speaker 2:You're like what you've and and it feels it felt worse to me because I'm like I've dedicated my life to this place, to this system, to this job, to these children.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and why are other people give me back and this is what you did to my kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so it's. It's so. It is so hurtful. So I understand why people are homeschooling.
Speaker 1:I understand it is really successful for some.
Speaker 2:It really is. And also there's a lot of fear, like in lies that they tell you in in systems, things like you know, you have to go to college, you're not going to be successful. And I really like one of the candidates who openly speaks about that and talks about how important it is to make sure that we're recognizing that there are other paths and that you don't have to go to college, and I was like hallelujah to her. Yeah, so, um, that, which might be a total turnoff to some people, but you know, I don't even care, so, um, I just feel like that that one statement is a is a big deal to me. Yeah, and because I'm like you don't, we don't have to tell people something that isn't true. And then the whole you have to do this and you have to do that.
Speaker 2:I have a friend whose son has dyslexia and he has a difficult time and he's in high school now and he you know he he faces different obstacles and she's like you know she's constantly having to fight for him and, um, and she's like you know, we just have so much to go through, and and she's like I feel like we're walking through quicksand because it's so upsetting and frustrating and I said you can simply stop.
Speaker 2:High school is so hard. Yeah, I'm like you can simply go around that because they they lie and say you need all these things and then, and then jackson goes to college yeah, like he didn't. He didn't even get a high school diploma, he got a ged. Yeah, and he didn't have whatever kinds of test scores and whatever, and they didn't even care what his test score was. Yeah, so I'm like that's a lie, that we all believe, that we're fed and believe and the pressure that we put on our kids, and then that that didn't even, that doesn't even matter. Now, that doesn't mean he gets to go straight to, like, the school of his dreams yeah, but it, but it's still, but he's still got options, he still has options and he could eventually he could go to uf if he wanted.
Speaker 2:So it's like it's just. Oh, it just looks different, just looks different. It's just so. And I know we started with this with school shootings, but it, but it's all intertwined, yeah for sure.
Speaker 1:It's just a mess of.
Speaker 2:It's just, oh, it's just so broken and it's like we and our kids are suffering, yeah, and our kids are acting out in these horrific ways.
Speaker 1:And that's coming from fear. Yeah, I mean like it's so scary. I remember when I was in high school and there was somebody it there wasn't somebody like actively in the school, but there was like a bank robbery by the bank.
Speaker 1:That was like literally right across the street, like we would walk there after school for parents to pick up there um, and the guy like had a gun and he was like running up and down the street or whatever and we had to be on lockdown, but we didn't know, like, what was going on. Um, and I was so scared, like it was like I don't even remember this.
Speaker 1:That's the crazy part, it was like one of the scariest things and they had told us like at that time they were like, okay, well, when this stuff happens, like nobody's allowed to go on their phone because like people can like track, like the where this is. So I was like, okay, like I can't like do anything like that.
Speaker 2:Like, um, the thing is is that most of the time these situations have been. But the, the they're not tracking anything. These are kids.
Speaker 2:Kids shooting kids yeah this isn't the uh, high espionage espionage. You know, they're all tracking whatever this. This isn't the high espionage. They're all tracking whatever this isn't. These aren't even acts of terrorism. This is an act of a child shooting other children. So that's the thing that's so upsetting. So then you can't get my friend's daughter. They were making texts to their parents to say goodbye, ready to send if they needed to. This just happened, like just two weeks ago. That that's crazy, isn't that?
Speaker 1:crazy. Yeah, I mean the school, riverview high school. They just had this happen and then um another one of our friends kids who's in high school had like a lockdown because, there was a kid who was threatening and like we had messaged them after and it's like, is like their son okay like is your family okay? And they're like, yeah, it was definitely like we're shaken up, but like yeah, everybody's like okay, yeah it is, it's.
Speaker 2:Uh, I remember having a lockdown with the same thing there was it was like a bank robbery and the person was loose.
Speaker 2:In the school that I was in, um and I we were in lockdown and I had two classes of kindergartners that I had to keep quiet, which was impossible, yeah. And so they literally a few of them started running in between the bookshelves and I'm like, what am I going to do? And the other thing is is like, what am I going to? I'm going to, if I yell at them and tell them to be, I'm going to scare them to death. Yeah, like I'm going to scare them, but if there's someone in our school, then we're sitting ducks, you kind of are anyway, yeah. So it's like, whether you're being quiet or not, because the things that they teach you are so stupid anyway, yeah, that you really should try to get out that's what I had.
Speaker 1:My the only teacher that I ever had, um who thought that we were. It was when I had a pe or it was called hope um, I was like a required class that you had to take in high school and we were on a downstairs like classroom and I remember, like him saying to us, he was like um. If there's ever this situation that we're in, he's like my priority is not that we follow the rules, it's that, like, all of our lives are protected.
Speaker 1:He's like your life is important to me and he was like I have a rock sitting by the window. Um, that I'll use to break the window and I'll make sure that, like, everybody can climb out and you run as far as you possibly can until you find somewhere that you can like call the police.
Speaker 2:And he was like, don't stop running until you get somewhere safe, targets are harder to hit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and he, because we were at the back of the building. So if you ran you could go through the woods into like palmetto, basically, and he you could go through the woods into like Palmetto, basically, and he was like, don't look back, just keep running, like that's what we'll do. He's like we will not sit here and wait for somebody to come, yeah.
Speaker 1:He's like I will break the glass and we will go. And that was like the only time where I was like I felt like safe to be. I was like I hope, if this does happen, I'm in his class. Yeah, because I'm like I know we would get out. Yeah, because then, like I had other teachers who were like I mean, they obviously, of course, wanted to do the best they could and they're like I would risk my life for you guys. But I'm like, but then like, then what? Then what? Then you're dead and then we're next. Yeah, so it's like no, it's.
Speaker 2:It's like what? I don't know what the answer is. I don't know what the the answer is because, yeah, you would want the teacher. That's like we're gonna get out, we're gonna try to get out like we're gonna try.
Speaker 2:I mean, and I used to feel like shutting, locking the doors felt so stupid to me, it was such a hassle. But in this case, in this situation in georgia, that boy came back to his class with the gun and knocked on the door and another student got up, saw the gun and didn't let him in, thank goodness. And then he went and shot across the hall so they were safe because the door was locked. Yeah and um. So I think about that and I'm like, well, in that case, like who cares if you have to keep getting up and down unlocking the door?
Speaker 1:the fact is that saved their lives, yeah um, but it's like, but also, we shouldn't be in the position to where a locked door is saving a child's life.
Speaker 2:No, absolutely not. No, absolutely not. And that's a regular and that has to be your regular existence. Yeah, it's a really it's upsetting, it's an upsetting situation and, um, yeah, are all like completely valid feelings like that.
Speaker 1:This is not. This is a very like complicated issue with lots of feelings and emotions that come along with it. So like being like gentle with yourself and with other people around you who are feeling things too, is important because it's yeah, it's not linear, it's just a mess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's and your feelings, and no matter what they are, whether it's sadness or grief or anger, like my mind is clearly coming out right now as anger and um, it's okay, yeah, to have your, to have your feelings, and it's also you know something to think about, like, about like what we can do to contribute to make this better.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Because it's just really unacceptable.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah, well, I think that's where we'll end.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for today.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that's where we'll end. Yeah, for today. Um, thank you for listening to this heavy episode. Um, and as we like go out, I would like to to say, like when, when we're in a position of like helplessness, like when there's not like stuff that we can do, to a large extent the thing that we can do to create change is to put like goodness into the world. So like, keep, keep showing up for your children and loving them and showing them what love is, and and being kind to other people and like small acts like that is that does make a big difference in the long term. So when you sit here and we talk about this and you feel helpless, and we feel helpless like the thing we can do to contribute to long-term change is to be the better in the world. Um, so that's a really good reminder yeah, yeah, it's a.
Speaker 2:It's a good reminder. It's, um, when I feel this like emotionally attached, it's hard to like stand back and look at how you can make it better. But I think that's a really good reminder, yeah.
Speaker 1:So we will see you next week. I'll mind your heart Um. Go walk outside and take a breath, because you need a break after this episode.
