Mind Your Heart
Welcome to "Mind Your Heart," this cozy corner of the internet where Trina Deboree and Emily Reneé —your real-life Lorelei and Rory Gilmore duo—come together each week to chat about everything from mental health to the daily nuances of life. In each episode, we peel back the layers of topics like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders with warmth, understanding, and a touch of humor (because otherwise, this just sounds depressing)!
Trina, an educator turned entrepreneur and mental health advocate, joins forces with her daughter Emily, a mental health coach and anorexia survivor, to share their journeys and insights in a way that feels like a heart-to-heart with old friends. The goal? To spark conversations that truly matter and to create a space where laughter meets healing.
Let's navigate the ups and downs of mental health together, making each day brighter and each challenge a little lighter. Grab your emotional support water bottle, put in your headphones, and join us while we mind our hearts for chats that comfort and inspire.
Mind Your Heart
MYH19: Trusting Instincts in Homeschooling Adventures
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Unlock the secrets of homeschooling and personal growth with Teresa Widreck, our inspirational guest and certified life coach. Teresa takes us through her incredible transformation from a registered nurse to a homeschool mom of four, sharing over two decades of invaluable insights. Discover how she helps parents move beyond traditional curriculums to embrace child-inspired learning, set meaningful boundaries, and find a purpose that extends beyond motherhood. We challenge the conventional schooling mindsets and explore the liberating concepts of "de-schooling" and "unschooling," encouraging a shift towards personal autonomy and a life filled with purpose.
Our conversation extends into the heart of parenting, where we emphasize the importance of life skills acquired outside of textbooks. Through relatable stories and insights from Shefali Tsabary's "The Awakened Family," we explore the unintentional lessons that everyday situations bring to children. We discuss the power of modeling resilience and courage, demonstrating how children learn from observing the strength and perseverance of their parents. This episode celebrates the wisdom of nurturing a relationship-based approach to parenting, honoring the perceptive nature of children and the profound impact of authenticity and self-awareness.
In the final segment, Teresa shares her journey of discovering coaching as a natural gift, highlighting the harmony between mindset coaching and traditional therapy. We delve into the courage it takes to live authentically and break free from societal expectations, embracing creativity and forging unique paths. With heartfelt reflections, we offer advice to our younger selves, underscoring the importance of trusting instincts and embracing authenticity. This episode is a treasure trove of insights and inspiration, perfect for anyone seeking to enrich their homeschooling experience or personal growth journey.
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Hey, welcome to Mind your Heart Podcast, your favorite corner of the internet where we chat about all things mental health. I'm Emily.
Speaker 2:And I'm Trina. Together, we're like your real-life Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. Each week, we'll bring you real conversations about the world of mental health and we will peel back layers on topics like anxiety, depression and much more.
Speaker 1:We're here to chat with you about the tough stuff, the everyday stuff and everything in between. So grab your emotional support water bottle I know we have ours. Find your comfiest chair or keep your eyes on the road and let's get into it. Are you ready, mom?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Join us as we mind our hearts and hopefully make minding yours a little easier.
Speaker 1:Welcome back, welcome to Mind your Heart. Today we have a very special guest. Teresa is here with us, so thank you for joining us. Say hi, thanks for inviting me.
Speaker 3:I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 2:Awesome, we're happy to have you, and Teresa also has a podcast. Teresa, do you want to share what that is?
Speaker 3:Yeah, it is homeschool mama self-care podcast, which is also on YouTube, and all the podcast players.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we'll have that linked for everybody who wants to check that out. It'll be in the description. If you're watching on YouTube, it'll. It'll be down there too. So yeah, so cool.
Speaker 2:All right, so we are talking about mindset specifically for homeschool. That's your, that's your, that's your thing, right? You're a homeschool, like kind of a homeschool coach, correct? Like tell us a little bit about yourself, like introduce yourself a little bit.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I'm a certified life coach and I graduated as a homeschool mom myself. I homeschooled for almost two decades for children and you know before that I was an RN, before I had my family. But as a certified life coach I've moved in toward, you know, all the life challenging things, the wellness and mindset challenges. So it's not just about curriculum and and all the basic you know beginner questions. In fact, I try not to answer those or go toward that discussion area because it's it's the entry level stuff. So I'm often speaking to moms in the three to four year and beyond range and helping them deal with various things, whether it's leaning into child inspired learning and de-schooling their unhelpful schooled mindsets, or dealing with their relationships and their boundary challenges, or addressing different things like, obviously, self-care and their wellness and how to take care of themselves, developing who they are beyond the mom role and their purpose beyond the mom role.
Speaker 3:All those sorts of areas.
Speaker 2:Yeah, All those, all those things. Like I'm like yeah, I'm thinking to myself, I'm so interested in all of them, Like I love the idea of de-schooling. I've heard it called unschooling. Is that the same? No, de-schooling.
Speaker 3:unschooling is like a method of educational delivery. De-school is more coming away from the unhelpful school mindsets that we have and, based on our conversation before, I'm like I think you're definitely full in there.
Speaker 3:You've been there, yeah, and, to be fair, I still feel like I'm doing that, even after I've homeschooled, that I still see elements of I think it's personal autonomy that our culture doesn't really support, and becoming who we were meant to be and living our lives purposely on our own terms. And when you lean into that, then you look at the things that you did like in the school and you say why like? What was the purpose of that? It serves the system, not the child yes, oh yes.
Speaker 2:I feel like I've just met a soulmate, like yeah that is um I know, I totally, I totally understand that and the and get that and feel like there are so many things that we're not focusing on the child and the benefit of the child, the child discovering who they are and what they love and what they're good at, and stifled. And then I was speaking to someone recently and they were saying to me because I was telling them like I really want to make this pivot because I have been running into this wall with teachers. Basically, you know, I can't do that, I'm not allowed. I have to running into this wall with, with, with teachers. Basically, you know, I can't do that, I'm not allowed. I have to follow the script.
Speaker 2:My district says my principal, all the things, and I'm like, well, I want to talk to parents then because I care about kids loving to read and I'm very passionate about that and I feel like some of the things that we've done in the school system has actually hurt our children's like love of reading. And and then she's like, well, you know that homeschool parents just want workbooks and you know dictated scripts, and I'm like I don't think that's true. I'm like I don't, I don't think that's true. So I think it's interesting for you to say that you know that you are like talking about those kinds of hurdles, and so I just, yeah, I think that's really, I think that's interesting.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, you know, I actually resonate with what that other person said to you, because that was certainly my story. In the first three years I figured like I can just private school, the private school, and we're just going to sit down and do the things. And I did, and we're just going to sit down and do the things and and I did. It was a fabulous education for me, but it was an education not just in the practical things that you might learn in a typical school, but also an education in learning that this isn't the way kids actually learn. And even the kiddo cause she's all grown up now the kiddo so my oldest two are very different said everybody, but they're one of my kids is the compliant, like I want to always do things the way that you want it, mom approach. And so even that kiddo said it was too much, like you were just trying to do every last thing. And I'm like that's really true, I was, and so I actually resonate with the trying to do the scripts. Just tell me what is the best curriculum, best routine, give me all the things and then I'm done. I've got it figured, except by year three, year four, I remember waking up late and my kids were up. I could hear them in the kitchen and I had this cup of coffee that woke me up beside my bedside. So my kids were trying to wake me up with a cup of coffee, which it usually did, and but it was cold, I slept through. I can hear the kids talking, arguing in the kitchen and there's like I come out there and I can see that the two oldest are trying to create breakfast for the others and that was really lovely. And also there's like drops of pancake batter everywhere they're fighting over the flipper. Who's going to flip the pancake? And then we're going to go into I finally, actually it's. It got a little crazy and I remember um, trying to corral that energy and it was superhuman energy to corral that energy. But I did, even though I had a headache. It was probably premenstrual, possibly it was slump month and it was gray outside.
Speaker 3:We get into the circle time, you know the first hour, half hour or so of our morning, and imagine this I've got like a 10, 8, 3 and a baby or maybe a 4 and a 2-year-old at this point and we're trying to corral everybody and I'm not feeling good in the first part of the day anyway, and then I'm sitting in the, the family room there, um, in this house where we didn't even live. It was in northern British Columbia. We were traveling and I remember feeling like, okay, we, finally we're here, we're gonna do circle, time it's, I've rescued this Monday. And then a fight breaks out, something about who's sitting where or who has the lego piece, or I'm just like randomly giving you an example which I'm sure you understand, um, because there were so many possibilities, and I just remember feeling really intense.
Speaker 3:But I remember hearing someone yelling stop, like just stop, and possibly other words, but I don't remember all the words. And then I realized, oh, that was me yelling, and so I had to turn on my heels and leave the room because I knew that anything else I'd say wouldn't be beneficial. And so I left the room, and some days I didn't leave the room without you know but anyways, something not beneficial, yeah, and so then I left the room and I texted madly to my husband.
Speaker 3:He wasn't available at the time. I texted to my friend you know rant texting and felt more angry as I was doing it, and my friend interrupted it and said you should watch this TEDx talk that went viral yesterday. And I did, and this woman in black chunky shoes and a jean jacket and this cute blonde coif kind of like yours actually was talking about how she is, and this is what I remember receiving from it that she didn't know who she was, or she didn't understand this narrative in her story about how shame was contributing to her inability to be her authentic self.
Speaker 3:This is Brené Brown oh yeah, I was gonna say yeah yes, and it completely, it shifted everything for me, so that I went from this really intense, frustrated, not addressing my emotions or my needs, not even knowing who I was, to moving toward what I needed and who I was and my identity. And that moment anyways, if I can back up a couple of minutes here, that was the one that shifted everything for me.
Speaker 2:Wow, that's, that's really, that's so interesting and so like really cool as well, because it's like it's. Sometimes it takes that kind of shouting moment or that moment of chaos to be, to think, to figure that out about yourself. You're, you know, you're like I'm going down this. Why am I trying to create this, create this one thing. Why am I doing it this way? Why have I put us all in this box, Like we got out of this box on purpose?
Speaker 1:And yeah, but yet.
Speaker 2:I'm still doing that and then you're not finding any joy or any happiness, and then you can't show up for your kids when you feel, or not, in the way that you want to, when you feel that way about yourself. So I think that like is such a you know, it's such an important moment for us to have. I mean, I wish that it would come easier and not in the middle of it.
Speaker 2:But it doesn't often work that way, unfortunately. So I think it's. I mean, the point is is to come to that like, to come to that realization that we don't want it to things to go on in this way for anyone, for anyone in the family, like, what do we need to do to help the family you know, grow and flourish and and do as well, even as the person that's you know, providing the, you know source? I mean, they like have, allowing them to like discover, because it's funny the whole time you were telling me about like the scene, setting the scene with the kids in the in the kitchen with the pancake batter, and you know, maybe they're fighting, but they're working, they're figuring it out, they're figuring out how to work with one another. All these things are happening that they were already doing and you didn't feel like school started until you got to circle time.
Speaker 1:However, like really happening.
Speaker 2:Feel like school started until you got to circle time, however, like really happening, so um. So I think that sometimes we do.
Speaker 3:We don't even realize we're like look at the skills that they're learning just by cooperating and figuring out how to make pancakes together we're arguing, you know, because then arguing too even though you think that might be the hardest thing about homeschooling is hearing the constant bickering, or you know, know, stuff and as. But what I've learned, I mean when I can just take a bigger look over what's really going on they have to learn to negotiate relationships and deal with conflict, and they learn to deal with conflict, but it also helps them to figure out who they really are all at the same time. So it's a requirement for them to do that.
Speaker 2:It's rather unpleasant listening to it, for sure, for sure it's uncomfortable and it's like what kids are learning, like negotiating and things like that that we are not thinking of in the moment because, you're right, it is uncomfortable and it's like, please stop, like, let just just be quiet.
Speaker 3:So, um so yeah, the triggers like our own triggers, and I'm actually literally listening right before our conversation. Or yeah, Shefali Zabari's book, the Awakened Family.
Speaker 2:Oh, I haven't heard about one. I need to look at that.
Speaker 3:And I realized that the things she said. I don't recommend parenting books generally because I think the concept of parenting is not helpful. It's a very top-down approach of here's who I am and I'm going to tell you what to do. No, I just want you to know, emily, just for the record, I've totally done that with my kids. My kids are I've got two, and one is presently at home and if she heard me saying that she's like silly, is that how you? Is that how you say it? But at the same time, I've learned that it's like it's a fantasy, that we've been kind of told that like you are, and how you handle the challenges that you have, or how you communicate, you addressing your triggers, all of those things. It is the natural role model and you are the center of that, and that is parenting. To me, parenting isn't. And now here are the things you need to do in order to, you know, teach your child how to do something, even though I do default to that, naturally.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I think that's really interesting because I feel like it's the moments that I, that I didn't even realize, like my kids recently, emily and my son Jackson, he's 20. They have, they have, a mindset coach myself and she, besides, emily is also like she, she's very, she's very wise for her 24 years, um, so, anyway, so the mom's spawning over you right now, so they're very like, they've been very helpful, but they create, um, my person has helped create these little short videos of things that my kids like, appreciated about me and like all these different prompts, and I was in shock of the things that they said because it was like the accidental parenting moments. It was the, it was the modeling of like going through a really difficult transition when we were all a family and then I got divorced, and like what that looked like, and then also where I left the school system and was like I'm going to, I'm going to build a business for myself based on kids loving to think and read and learn, and um, and not, and trying not to give up, even though times are sometimes hard, um, and so it's like things that I didn't even realize that they were picking. You know what I mean, that they were picking up on and that they said, yeah, that I'm like, wow, this was wish. I feel like we're better and not and some of those moments are, I mean like I wish that we didn't have to experience some of those moments, but but also like teaching kids or showing kids perseverance and, you know, grit and determination and courage and all those things that we want kids. You know we want kids to understand those, those feelings and that way of being, and that that's a part of who they are. But I mean, I guess you know, sometimes they learn. They do learn. I mean I don't know.
Speaker 2:I told my brother recently he's going through like a difficult time himself and I said, yeah, I said your son is getting the best. He's getting ready to watch you as like a phoenix. Rise above this and I'm like, and you're going to show him how not to give up, how to keep going, how when things get hard. This is what we do, this is how we move forward, and I'm like that is so much more powerful than any materialistic thing you've ever given him. Oh, yeah, for sure. So I think that that I love that. I'm going to, emily, do you want to talk? I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I've like been yeah well. So what I was going to say is I just feel like that, like kids, just from such a young age, like aren't almost not given enough credit of like how like they do learn and what they do see, and I think that that is where, like, there are issues when it comes to like parenting that we see now like of people like oh, you should do this or you should do that. Like it like Teresa, what you're talking about is like a relationship. Like you're talking about like showing the child a relationship and they are a human, you're valuing them as their own person, which is something that, like I always am, like when I have kids, like I want to do. Obviously, I'm not going to be perfect in any way, but, um, I'm like that's like what I want to try to do the best that I can, because it's we. We look at somebody that's smaller and less knowledgeable and we're like okay, well, we need to teach you this, this and this. But also teaching somebody something is doing it with them, is being there through it and supporting them in that way and showing them that they are valuable, so that way, when they go into the world, it's not like this big shock, that they're like not being told what to do every five seconds, because it's not how we live.
Speaker 1:And it feels like such a transition whenever you actually go into the world and you're like, oh shit, like okay, wait, I got to figure it out. Yeah, like I need to problem solve, and that's something that I see in my generation. I'm like nobody knows how to just figure it out. It drives me insane, I feel I constantly say this. I'm like I was given the gift of problem solving because she used to say that and I at the time I was like OK, but now I'm like I look at people who are even a little bit older than me, but like still in my age range, and they're like well, I just don't know what to do and I'm like did you try? Like did you, did you do something to see if it worked, and maybe it doesn't, and then try something else. So yeah, I don't know that I feel like that was a rambling, but it's just like going into.
Speaker 3:I get that. That that's the one of the dynamics of the education system is that there is a top-down effect, and there is. You couldn't learn unless there is a teacher to teach you. And I'm not saying that you always can do it independently, and sometimes you need assistance or mentorship, but you couldn't learn unless someone taught you. You only know what to learn until someone tells you and then you're going to process it in the way that you're taught to do it. You can't think outside the box, you can't come up with your own answers. So I think when you hear those messages all the time, then you aren't following and you don't think of what could I do? How could I lead this, even? Or what could I just do independently?
Speaker 1:what could I do? How could I lead this, even? Or what could I just do independently? Yeah, and subliminally, like that's teaching kids from a young age that they like need to be controlled, like always, and like if they're not, then they can't do it right, and that's that breeds horrible relationships when you get older.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah and you, you can shift it, though, having said that, you can shift it Cause I'm essentially telling you my own story that I very much thought that the benefit would be to create this ideal you know, essentially a school at home though I wouldn't have called it that, but that's what I was doing, cause I thought it was the best thing. I actually come from a really tough family background like from from, like from childhood domestic violence, and so then, for me, creating a perfect world was my goal, like some form of homeschool utopia, and it didn't happen Shock, but I really was going for that. That's actually why my website's called Capturing the Charmed Life, because that was my goal. My website it's called capturing the charmed life because that was my goal, and um, and so I was trying to create that utopia and fast forward a couple decades. I can see that was never going to happen, but what was going to happen was being invited into a growth journey over the course of parenting, not even just two decades, I think it's an indefinite no matter how old your kids are, but into a growth journey alongside your kids.
Speaker 3:And that was not part of, you know, my formula for a charmed life. I thought I had to take control over it. But I realized that it wasn't about control, it was about yielding or listening or just learning, and that does not sound fun. When people in coaching ask me well, just tell me what to do, yeah, one says that, but some people do I'm like I can't tell you what to do because I've had teenagers so I already know that's not going to work. Yeah, and also it has to come from within. You have to know for sure that this is the right thing for you yeah, it has to decision.
Speaker 3:Yes, and then you grow up to be independent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I love the thought of like the growth journey because I feel like I would. I don't know if you feel this way, emily, but I feel like when we, when our family changed, when the family dynamics changed, that is what happened with with I felt like the three of us, like my son and my daughter, myself is I didn't have any, I had no choice. So, even if I wanted what I originally intended and wanted to happen for a family and an unloving marriage and kids happy and you know, wasn't going to be the reality. So I had no choice but to shift into a growth journey with the kids, because we all were were figuring out, figuring ourselves out and like coming out of like some trauma and like trying to understand what do we do next, how do we survive? Next, how do we survive and how do we rebuild? So, yeah, I really um, what did you do at?
Speaker 3:that point.
Speaker 2:I um? What did I do, emily?
Speaker 1:um, I mean, like I think the the biggest thing, like you did in the beginning, was ask for help um which I think, like was so hard for you because, like I think you're naturally an independent person, like you're naturally like you know what to do, you want to get it done on your own.
Speaker 1:Like we're both stubborn in that way too, to a point where like, oh no, like we'll figure it out, um, but like you really released that and was like I need help, and it's okay that I need help, and you leaned into the community that that you had built and that I mean like and I know that you'll agree with me in saying like there were miracles that came out of that, like there were things, ways we should not have survived, certain things, but we did. So I feel like that was like the biggest thing and that's such a that, in and of itself, is such a valuable lesson for anyone, because asking for help is hard, it feels it's vulnerable, it's raw, like it's uncomfortable. So like doing that in a stage where, so like doing that in a stage where you're still healing from trauma and abuse and everything's still chaotic, like is it just shows so much so that's what you did, yeah, yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 2:That's interesting that you that's how you see it and I see it as like I just had to move forward, had to move forward.
Speaker 2:I had to, I had to keep going, I had to keep us afloat, um, but the big thing in my mind was always it wasn't about me, it was about, you know, my kids.
Speaker 2:It was about my children and how I needed to make it okay as as much as I could for them. That I, you know, and I mean I did have a lot of like I didn't, you know, I I like had a lot of negative self-talk going on, like I felt very like a failure. I felt like I had failed them and that, um, it was. You know, they didn't get what I had hoped for them to get, and, um, and that it was hard and that we were going to go through challenges. But the whole time I I'm like I just I just kept feeling like I've got to figure this out because I have two people that need me to. Um, it didn't even become it has. You know, it's just recently that my um, that my son, moved out. Like, I mean, it's this is my second year of being like an empty nester, and and that hit me, it goes out to you, it hit me hard.
Speaker 2:It was very hard. Yeah, I had to talk because I have a psychiatrist, I have depression and anxiety and ADD, all the things, and I I was like I'm struggling. This is not like the. This isn't. This is going on longer than I feel like it might for some people and not to compare myself, but I'm really having a hard time and I read books and it was hard to find some quality things.
Speaker 2:Everything was marriage, Like lean back into your marriage, Lean into your partnership and your relationship, and I'm like, well, I don't have that. So what does that mean? Lean into nothing? So it was really I felt like I lost a loss, a little bit of my purpose and then, but it was almost like, well, now you actually have the space and the moment to like breathe and think about the parts of you that that you can nourish and and so that's, and so I guess, in a sense, I've reached out again, because now I have two people, that one of which is Emily, two people that I meet with and talk to on a regular basis and with mindset kinds of things, Cause I I went to counseling for years and years and I love her, she was, she changed my life, she saved my life and um, but she retired and so, but the thought of going through counseling all over again, I felt I was like, oh, that just sounds so hard.
Speaker 2:So so this mindset like coaching has been more the right fit for me, because I don't feel like I need to revisit like every single traumatic thing.
Speaker 3:That's happened to me, but you're here now and where are you going forward? Yeah, yeah, I might've done an equivalent amount of therapy as well, and it actually was very, very helpful and had dramatic shifts for me. And also there's something about coaching, or when people incorporate coaching into therapy or mindset. My YouTube channel is the wellness and mindset. I think is this the right wellness and mindset coaching for homeschool moms and for me. I see that coaching has this potential for being present and forward thinking. There are times, though, where you can say, okay, you're stuck there, so where did where did you first get stuck and then going back and then addressing that is useful to go forward, but I find coaching really useful to propel forward.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I love that. So what? So? How do when people find you like how, what is your initial like? How do you? How do you find the people that you're serving?
Speaker 3:Well, they find me on the internet. I have a podcast that I put out every week. I have yesterday's was about decluttering our homes, our homeschools, our minds and our relationships. And then I do a YouTube, a weekly YouTube channel or video. And then I'm on socials doing lives and all sorts of different things on other people's podcasts, in various conferences, things like that. So people find me. Sometimes they've been following me for a good long time and sometimes it's just random, like I need somebody and I need someone to walk alongside me.
Speaker 3:I really see and it was only after, I think, months of my husband saying something about my counseling work and I'm like, like, well, I'm not a counselor officially and in this province I could be deemed that, but I I don't, I self-identify that way. And then he's like but you're actually doing that, he's an emergency physician himself, so also does counseling in a different capacity. Um, but I'm like, actually that's what I do is some sort of counseling and coaching. And because I unschooled, I at some point I realized that I probably have enough unschool hours as unschool therapy hours, if that was a thing. It's not, but I think if you could qualify as a therapist, how many hours of actual therapy for yourself. Do you need to do You're?
Speaker 2:you're right, you're right and it's not official, of course.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that I love that it's opened the door for more people to do it, that there isn't just this one path to counseling or that kind of work. You don't just have to go to school, get your master's, get even get a doctorate, whatever. You don't have to do it in that exact way. There's other opportunities. Because sometimes people are really just almost a natural like you, seem like just a natural at at talking about you know, counseling kinds of things. Like I was, I felt myself, I felt I'm like, am I having a therapy session? Like I thought that for a few minutes in the podcast, but because you have instantly make it feel safe, you instantly make it feel like I can talk and that is a gift. But I also I also think that, emily, I also think that same thing of you, I think you do the same thing and and so I think that's really cool to get to share that with other people and and it not having to be like officially counseling or whatever. Because you know, even when I was a, I was a student support specialist for a couple of years out of the classroom and I worked with, you know, kids that were in trouble, but I, I the part that I I hated the job.
Speaker 2:The part that I loved about the job was the kids and it I just I was. I felt like I was counseling, we would have these conversations and I would understand why the behavior. And nobody, everyone's like who cares about that. You need the consequence of consequence. And I'm like yeah, and I'm like no, we have to understand or we will never reshape the behavior. And I'm like so we have to find out what's going on, because people don't just yell and throw chairs for no reason. They're, they're trying to tell us something, so let's give them the opportunity to tell us. And that was the best part of the job. That was the part that and you know, people would get mad and frustrated oh, they're just going there to talk.
Speaker 3:And I'm yeah, you know what, maybe they need to talk, so I don't know. Yeah, yeah, but it was. But you know it's like, well, you're not the guidance counselor, you're the student support specialist, and so they always have to put you in these boxes, but you don't have to us as having a natural gifting in a certain way. Do you see it as something that you came into the world as, or is there certain Enneagram type or Myers-Briggs type, or you know something that you identify that is the basis for your abilities?
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, well, my Enneagram is a two and I'm, and I am, an INFJ in the Myers-Briggs Me too. Yeah, that's so funny.
Speaker 3:That's surprising to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I mean I kind of feel like I mean people have told me for a long time they're like, oh, you should be a counselor, um. And when I was younger it was like you should be a teacher. And I was like I'm never being a teacher because I know what that entails and I don't want to do that. Yeah, and then when I got older and people are like, oh, you should be a counselor, because I was always like people call me like the mom of our friend group, like I was the one people went to like if they needed something, if they needed to talk or vent or whatever, like I was that person.
Speaker 1:And I always remember being like, oh, I don't want to do like that much school, like that just like sounds like so much.
Speaker 1:And eventually I realized I didn't want to go to school after high school at all. And then I was like, well, I do really care about listening to people and I really I've had my own like journey with mental health that I'm like I can't, that is what I want to focus on, but I'm like I don't want it to have to be in this way, where I have to go to school and like get so much in debt and like all these things and also like be tied to another system. I guess that was kind of like my mind. I was like I don't really want to be like in another system. And then, after like becoming a business owner, I was like actually I could be a coach and nobody can tell me I can't do that without a degree. So it just like I feel like it did like come naturally. But it was like the way that the world viewed it gave me resistance, which I feel is kind of like why it took me to this point to get to it, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Tell me more. I'm curious about that. Do you mean, like, the life story that you've had that's influenced how you, you know, show up as a coach? Is that what you mean?
Speaker 1:No, I guess I feel like when I left high school, I was, I think I was confused which we all are at that age but I really thought I would go to college, like it was, like it was something I was on the path for for forever. So when I got out and I was like, ok, well, I'm just going to work and see how this goes, there was a lot of like energy fighting against me in me being able to do what I really wanted to do, which was the more creative part of helping people and being there with people and like forming connections in that way.
Speaker 1:But it was a lot of like, well, you're going to end up going back to school or you have to take this course to do this, or you like you have to have this certification or whatever it was. And in my mind, like I've never been a black and white thinker, like I'm always I function in the gray, like that's just how I feel about myself. So whenever people are like you should be a counselor, and I'm like I don't want to do that, but I also like don't want to not help people, it was like my brain couldn't fully get in the gray because it was so much of like here's the black and the white, like this is what you should do, and if you don't do either of those options, then who knows what that looks like? Because it didn't really exist. It was like I kind of had to create it for myself in the environment that I lived in, like I didn't grow up knowing anything about like life coaches to me, like that was not a thing.
Speaker 3:So I'm like it wasn't a thing, though I think, yeah, no, it was a thing officially, but not known at all. We're very much in the pioneering days of coaching.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely, and, and so it was kind of like oh, I have to, I have to make it and I feel like I don't know. I kind of feel like that's been my story with a lot of things is like it doesn't exist.
Speaker 3:Well, I'm going to create it now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it'll exist. Totally resonate with that too, yeah.
Speaker 3:Interesting. Thank you for sharing that, because that part of me I'm like, oh, that's also me. And sometimes I look at how I've done things. When I started homeschooling there were two options. I could do the you know, essentially under the umbrella of the province's education system, but do it at home. Or else do it entirely independently, with no hands on what I'm doing, and I'm like, well, I'll just do it by myself, like why would I have any involvement? And so that was me. But I think I look at it and I say why was it that I was trying to do? And even before I remember having significant memories of family challenges early on. I can remember way back and thinking I was just always not out of the box thinker, so I think it was always there just waiting to be fed and nurtured.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when do you think that, like you, it really hit you that you were like, okay, like I'm going to lean into this, almost like this, knowing that you've had about yourself, but you kind of were, it was like society's leaning you one way or other when what made you feel like, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to give into this?
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, there's been many iterations, is the true answer. I refer to that one story because it applies to the homeschool world, the coffee and the pancakes. But I have had many significant iterations. There was a moment in 2004 where there's a really significant marriage hit for us, where we're like no, we can't do marriage this way anymore. And in that compelled counseling for me.
Speaker 3:And in the counseling I came to understand that I had never advocated for myself at all, like I wasn't aware of who I was, I wasn't someone separate in my family systems. And when things began to shift with my husband and I, then it began to shift with my approach to my parents so that I was no longer willing to be in that codependent little bubble. And and that was that was like earth quaking because, like Trina at the time, I was like I don't ask for help, I don't do that, I just play the role of what I'm supposed to and I don't do things outside the box. And for me that was like the beginning of okay, we don't have any choice. Now you have to own who you are and what you're really about.
Speaker 1:that shifted everything in every element of my life yeah, how, how, like tell me more. I'm like, how, how did it? Because I'm like I feel like it's different for so many different people and in my head I feel like you're telling me like it was like different parts of you like got to come out in different, different moments in life.
Speaker 3:That's the essence of it is I came out of the closet and I became a me.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean my reality, my my backstory is that it isn't just my, my family of origin that was steeped in this you know unhealthy approach to relating. I also had the entire community before that that's supporting that system, and I had to come away from that as well. Yeah, the was terrifying, like it was truly terrifying, because not only did that happen, but then it started to help me see why I was engaging in my religious community at the time, the way I was, and all of a sudden that was like nope, I'm not, I'm not showing up in that anymore. Like I had to be congruent or I was going to drown, you know. Like I had to figure out who am I really and how does this work in every aspect of my life. So to me it's not like oh yeah, this looks enticing for me. I had to, or else how would I survive?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, like it was, like it looked like crap.
Speaker 2:You didn't want to do it, but then yeah, you went into it and then you did do it yeah sometimes we have to be uncomfortable or in some kind of pressure to like really grow and and to try something different. If not, we'll just continue going along in our well. Maybe that's just true for me. I'll continue going along in my patterns. But um, being uncomfortable or being in a situation where I'm like, nope, I have to have no choice but to figure it out the beauty of hard things.
Speaker 3:And when you talk about the crap, I actually have goats and chickens, um, and I really I see this now practically that there are piles of crap in my homestead, on my homestead, and if they're aerated and watered and given some sun, they actually turn into some very nourishing compost for the garden. And even though, especially for our kids. I would like I, if you could give me the option of doing the following. I would not give them a pile of crap. You could not actually convince me to, you know, but it would be good for resilience. I'd be like you know also, no, and? And yet I can see in my own life, and also now cause they're older, I see in their lives that actually that pile of crap can become some remarkably nourishing compost for their life. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's actually beautiful.
Speaker 3:And we're talking about crap.
Speaker 2:I love it. Okay, so I know that we're like coming up at the two at the 45 minutes, so I want to make sure that you've gotten a chance to say anything that you want to say and also ask if you would be willing to play like a quick lightning round. Yeah, okay. So first of all, you mentioned your podcast, and so now we know how to find you, and that is exciting, so that's good. Is there anything else that you want to share about the work that you're doing, or the work that you do, that you do offer, or, yeah, anything like that.
Speaker 3:The only thing I would say in addition to that is what I see and this is really like my personal passion project Every, every person that comes to have or spend time with me. They have very unique stories and very unique reasons for showing up, and yet they it feels to me that I'm here to support them to become who they're really meant to be and to own who they are, own their voices, and that's my passion. At first glance, you go oh, she's a homeschool coach, so she's going to help me figure out my curriculum and my routine and all that. And I can do that and I do help you do that. But I'm always going to point you back to what really matters, and it is the child in front of you and who you are what really matters to you. So that's what I would say as a an addition.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. I love that Me too.
Speaker 2:Okay, so these are just for fun. Um, on a scale from one to 10, how good of a driver are you?
Speaker 3:Excellent. One of my kids would be like um you do rolling stops? They're all at the.
Speaker 1:either have their drivers or else they're in the place of about to take a driver's let you know and I'm like, yeah, you don't like have to right.
Speaker 3:The other day, when the RCMP was behind me then I said hey, notice the full stops. Yeah, you decide. I don't know is, is that a five, a seven?
Speaker 2:Hard to know. Yeah, I think it can be whatever you want it to be, so that's funny. All right, what is your favorite day of the week?
Speaker 3:I'm down for all of them. They all have different things in them. I like them all that's cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what about your favorite junk food? That's hard to decide, oh, pizza yeah, I haven't had pizza in a long time. Okay, so two more. Do you have any reoccurring dreams or nightmares?
Speaker 3:not anymore, but that took me years. Yeah, that's really only in the last maybe seven or eight years where I don't yeah that's, that's good.
Speaker 2:That's good that you have, yeah, come to the point where there's not it's slowed down significantly yeah yeah, okay. And then, knowing what you know now, what would advice would you give to your 18-year-old self?
Speaker 3:Oh girl, I have a 19-year-old daughter, so okay, let me think Depends on the daughter too, though. What would I say to myself, though, at 19? I would say I know this seems terrifying, that you feel like you're entirely on your own and you have no support system, but just lean into what you know to be true, and I do believe there's a relationship beyond myself but I would say lean into what you know to be true and be the fullest you that you are now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was good.
Speaker 3:Thank you you thank you so much. Yeah, thanks for letting me hang out with you. This was fun. Yeah, I'd like to meet new friends.
